Monday, November 15, 2010

I can almost see that bobber dancing

Today's been one of those Mondays because last night was one of those Sunday nights. I got up late with a paper to begin, but I've done very little since I'm just upset at the universe, and in turn upset at myself for being upset with the universe. I'm in one of those moods where I question being a good person because it doesn't seem to get me very far, while selfish people seem to get much further. My ex-boyfriend, from before I was with Zak, was the only relationship I'd had before finding Zak. And it was a bad one. He was selfish and mistreated me and I was weak. That was a long time ago. When I found Zak, I thought, well this makes sense. I found something wonderful and beautiful, while he had dated innumerable girls since we parted. Four years later, we're acquaintances and have discussed the past in apologies and I'm not bitter anymore about what happened. I am still bitter though. He's been rapidly gaining success in what he's always wanted to do, he has a steady group of friends, he's still got girls all over him. While I don't want guys all over me, and I know it's much more valuable to have a meaningful relationship, I envy his success. I envy that he's getting to do what he wants to do, that he made those dreams reality. I haven't published poetry, but he gets to tour the east coast. I feel constantly disposable in every friend group I settle into, and he seems to have it made. But he's still a self-centered jerk. I'm still trying to be caring and do the best I can for the people I care about. I'm just frustrated about how things have turned out. I know it's more important to be a good person, and that there shouldn't be a reward for it, but it's hard to see someone like him with things I don't.

Then there are the questions that keep plaguing me. I get very attached to people and put a lot of stock in to my relationships with people I care about, usually more than they do in return. I keep wondering how my life would be different if I was born ten years earlier, or others ten years later. Would our relationship be different? How? Would we even know each other? That one always gets me. If anything were different, I wouldn't even know them. But in the mean time, I keep wondering about these things. And it's keeping me from concentrating and doing what I should. It's hard to write about Shakespeare and Lady Mary Wroth with a heavy mind.

Anyway, I suppose I should describe my outfit now (thanks for bearing with me to this point). I always find that my Friday and Monday outfits are a bit more adventurous than my week day outfits, since I take less risks when I get dressed for a full day of school. Today, I knew I wanted to wear this skirt that I don't often wear (it wrinkles instantly). Then I remembered my favorite cozy sweater from last winter, and since I could use some cozy today, pulled it on. I like the color pallet, and I think it turned out well

Skirt, hat: H&M
Sweater: Forever 21
Top: Delia's
Socks: DIY
Shoes: Steve Madden

Until tomorrow,


  1. oh girl. i believe we have the same personality...i def. know what you are talking about and getting attached to people & caring about people and going out of my way for them.

    i LOVE this outfit. love it.
    it looks so cozy and the brown and black works so well.
    & i am loooving the over the knee socks..they are my favorite things this winter.
    you look beeeeautiful!! <3

  2. I'm so glad you found Zak. I always believe in karma - good things happen to good people. While your ex-boyfriend may seem successful right now, in time, karma will come back at him. Maybe in the future, when you're happily married with children (I'm assuming you'll have children, haha. You'd be a great mommy!) he'll be sitting at home, alone and miserable. Even though he's dated so many girls, it just means he's unhappy with each and every one of them while you're enjoying one spectacular and wonderful person (and vice versa! Zak is very lucky to have you).

    You'll find a group of friends (and I'm sure that you already have them) that absolutely love your company and love you for who you are. Although you don't feel like it, you're an indispensable person. You're genuinely nice and kind and I wish the world gave way to people like you more, instead of awarding jerks! ♥

    But I really want you to know that you're an amazing person and if anything, you can always e-mail me for my Facebook/AIM/etc if you need any support!

    I really hope you'll feel better. :) Icecream should help!

    And onto your outfit, I absolutely love your sweater! It's the perfect winter/cold weather print! And that skirt is really pretty. What a shame that it wrinkles so easily.

  3. That sweater is so pretty! I love all the colors! you look so, so cozy and warm!

    I seem to be one of those people to give more than take in any friendship and sometimes, its bit me in the behind. It sucks. Plainly and simply. But you WILL find people in your life that are nothing but delicious treats and make your life nothing but happy and stress-free. I promise. You're a wonderful person and in the end, you'll pull through:)

  4. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes being the good person is the hard thing in life, especially when it seems to come with fewer rewards in the present, but more rewards in the long run.

    I can tell just by reading this post that we would be good friends. I like to invest in friendships as well and care a lot about my relationships with people.

    Don't loose heart! Continue being such a great person and you will find happiness in life!

    Ps - You look GREAT in this outfit and I love the sweater.

  5. I'm very sorry to hear about how things seemed to go down for you and your ex. That sounds really hard. I do think that people can change and grow but a lot of the time people get set in their ways and being in a relationship with them won't solve the issues of their heart. That's rough.

    Pursue your own life and in time you will find someone who is going to value you and be valued by you in return. It will be a giving relationship rather than a give and take or just taking relationship.

    You look adorable in this outfit by the way.

    Just know that although things on the outside with his life seem to be as if he has things made for him and gets what he wants, he may still be hurting inside and desiring something more and will possibly never truly find that fulfillment. If he is truly happy though, it is good to be happy for him and not get down on yourself about it.

  6. I definitely need some socks like that. You look as snug as a bug in a rug.


  7. I love this outfit! The colors are great, and that sweater looks so warm and cozy!! I have definitely had my share of road bumps, and watched other people succeed while I've felt like I've been languishing. Its not a fun feeling. I wish I could say more to help, but I guess I can say you're not alone!! At least you're rocking a super cute outfit! :)

  8. Well you are NOT dispensable here, if that counts for anything :)

    I really really heart this adventurous outfit today. The fair isle sweaters are just so perfect on you!!

  9. Zak sounds wonderful, you're a lucky girl!! This is also a gorgeous outfit! Especially the sweater.

  10. Ah, this sounds just like me w/ the whole relationships thing. It can get frustrating at times, I know. Anyways, I am just in love w/ this outfit!! You look like a doll. You seriously made me want a hat just like that. Gorgeous as always!

  11. This is adorable! I love that sweater; I've been searching for something similar.

  12. I really like this sweater, it's so pretty along with your skirt.

    Marja <3

  13. aw, keep your head up! :(

    your ex may seem like he has it made with a wild social life and all kinds of women and success, but the truth of the matter is, it might just LOOK that way. how do you know these things about him? if it's because he told you, of course he's only going to flaunt his successes in front of you--he probably feels like he has to show off because that's what we do with our exes. and finding out about his success through other channels (facebook, etc.) can be just as deceptive, since we really only show the positive aspects of our lives, and we can make them look like anything we want! and even if he is successful with his career (which i assume he is, if he's touring the east coast), if he really is a selfish jerk, his relationships probably aren't as close or happy as the ones you have and will have. superficial people like that lead shallow unsatisfying lives, and you shouldn't compare yourself to them. you're so much better! and you're so young, you still have plenty of time!

    plus, your sweater is totally awesome, so there's that... :)

  14. Cuuuuute! I love your sweater.. it's very wintery. :) Keep your head up girlie.. I know this is going to sound corny, but everything happens for a reason. :) Don't let this dude get the best of you. You are amazing.

    Happy Tuesday!

    xx Love & Aloha

  15. Great blog, I like it so much, and this look has a great style!If you Are obsessed with glamour we could be followers each other, what do you think? tell me something!

  16. I LOVE that sweater! SO awesome. Thanks you for commenting on my blog, because I found yours now! I am your newest follower.

    About Zak.... don't be fooled by appearances, because you never know. Don't let him hinder your vision of yourself and who you want to be. <3

  17. Life brings clouds. Clouds brings rain. Your eyes form tears, and it replenishes you and helps you grow.

    You're going to be a beautiful star.
    Keep shining, keep skipping!!!

    hope to hear from you!

  18. You're too adorable, love this look!

    Following you. :)

  19. Sorry to hear about that. On a positive note, you look so adorable in these photos!


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