This morning, I was planning on going to the gym, but after a rough night of barely-sleep, stress and allergies, burying my head in the covers for an extra hour was too tempting. Honestly, I would have preferred not to even get dressed this morning, but alas, while my campus is quite liberal, I don't think I'd be all that comfortable wearing underwear and a blanket to class. So, I don't really know how I wound up in an outfit that actually feels really me. I mean, on the one hand I think it reads "construction worker picnic in the middle of a JCPenney," on the other hand I think the quirky kind of icky mix of manly colors and fabrics but girly shapes reads "Nicole." Though, I have to say, it's weird seeing myself with my bangs pinned back. My bangs have been super stubborn lately, so I got fed up and put them in a time out today. Also, this "photoshoot" was ridiculous, or rather, I was acting ridiculous, so I think I'll caption what was going on in each picture.
Back in high school, when I bought my first pair of skinny jeans, I swore I would never wear bootcut or flare jeans again. I also swore that Green Day would always be my favorite band (and that I would marry Mike Dirnt), but hey, things change (though I still may have a little crush on Mike Dirnt). The funny things about these bootcut jeans is that while I think they make me look more mature, they also take me back to being a poorly dressed barely teen romping around in hoodies and a pony tail. I like these jeans a lot though, and I like to think a nautical sweater and eyelet blouse is just a teensy step up from a Bayside tee shirt, though, I'll be honest, my first instinct on how to style these was with a tee shirt, so watch out for that post! I'll have to dig up some old, unflattering photos just for the occasion.
Yesterday was a gross day. It was one of those comically bad days when the universe makes up its mind to shoot spitballs at you until snap back and snatch the straw out of its hand. Seriously, it was ridiculous. But LUCKILY, today was exactly what I needed. After an early class, I got to hang out with my two "little brothers," family friends that I've known for years and years now. Whenever I hang out with the two of them I get to be a complete silly goober, giggling, watching youtube videos - the best. Then, I had lunch with a great friend from high school, and got to reminisce on the past and catch up on her life for a while, which was so nice. Then afterwards, I went out for coffee and some JoAnne's craft store shenanigans with my second mom (the mother of my "little brother") and goodness me, did we have a lot of laughs. I was very tempted to buy a tiny top hat that I think was designed for decorating dolls, though while in the store I used it to decorate my own head. All in all, it was a day that reminded me that, as corny as it sounds, there's a lot to be thankful for in my life, that the bad day's are just moments that remind me of the progress I've made, and that I like causing a racous in craft stores.
I found this dress in Forever 21, while I was on the way to the fitting room. There was just one, in my size, hanging out, so I took it and ended up buying it. My friend was all, "You look...colorful!" which she assured me was a compliment. Though, the dress is a little circus clowny. I can dig it though.
Dress: Forever 21, Blouse: H&M, Shoes: Ruche, Jean Jacket: Salvation Army, Necklace: Gift from Kuleigh
Hey folks! I'm guest posting over at Shades of Monet today, sharing my thoughts on one of my greatest loves - poetry. There also may be some of my own poetry hanging out in that post, so check it out if you like.
Do you ever have those days where, out of nowhere, you begin to wonder what would happen if you had made different choices at all the biggest junctions in your life so far? It hit me something fierce this morning in english class, and let me tell you, english class is not a place for crisis. English class is a place for awesome and pretentious intellectual discussion on Dante's Divine Comedy, not internal conflict. I found myself wondering what kind of lady I would be if I had gone away to college, if I had stuck with my first or second brief internships instead of getting the cool job I have now. Then it morphed into, would I have more friends? Would I have stayed with my ex for so long? Would I have gone abroad? Would I be stronger than I am now?
And it was at this point where I wanted to dramatically yell stop! (inside my head, of course). These are the questions that bum you out and get you nowhere, because the answers just don't matter. Not one bit. I am who I am in this moment, partly as a result of choices I've made, and what I've got is a wide open future that I can still mold and tweak and explore. And no matter what I do, whether in five years I'm a circus magician, published poet, or street urchen, these questions will pop up. The problem, I think, is that this weekend I found myself in the middle of a conversation about my future. I've got a job I love for multiple reasons, but multiple parties were telling me that I need to get an internship, something more career focused. And as I've said, I've been quite stressed lately, and this news flash was hardly welcome. So I suppose, today, with everyone so concerned about my future, I found myself troubled by my past. Sure, these questions are important and, dare I say need to be asked, but for now, after a long day, I'm quite content to muddle through this present, with a cup of coffee and a good book, making the best now that I can for myself.
This dress is a fun little dress that makes me feel like a scuba diving speed skater. It also makes me hyper-aware of the, uh, plentiful nature of my chest. Some might say that's a plus or something.
My facial expression in the above photo pretty accurately portrays my current sour-puss/woe-begone/sleepily confused mood. I was whining in my last post about being busy and not having enough time to myself, and now it's Sunday and I'm about ready to whine about the same thing. It's just a bummer, because I really could have used some time to catch up, but I only had a one day weekend, as I had class today and tomorrow. Bummer! I'm at least trying my best to be the kind of woe-begone person who laughs at her situation as she slowly spirals into crazytown, and not the kind of woe-begone who mopes and kicks people and stuff. We'll see! Anyway, I did a bit of shopping yesterday, and this skirt is one of the things I picked up. It's a wee short, but I like the colors and it's fun to shimmy around in.
While mostly being a pun on the fact that there's a creepy deer (or perhaps, stag?) on my sweater, the phrase "Oh Dear" is a pretty good way to describe my feelings on today. Do you ever have those days where you're just frustrated to the point where it's almost comical? Like you're cartoon angry, and steam's coming out of your ears, and lasers are coming out of your eyes? That's how I feel today. I guess it's mostly school picking up, and work picking up, and me feeling like I've got no time for myself. Or if I make time for myself, I feel like I should be doing something more "productive" or whatever. Oh dear!
Sweater, skirt: Forever 21 (the sweater was on CLEARANCE, at FOREVER 21, which is like FREE. Which is mostly why I OWN IT), Shoes: Ruche
You guys know I'm all for thematic dressing, one hundred percent. This morning though, lace, red, and hearts weren't sounding super appealing as clothing options. So, I tried to find a middle ground. I've got a tiny bit of red peeking out of my boots, a little heart pin, and a whole lot of bunnies on my torso. I feel like this outfit is giving a nod of acknowledgement to Valentine's Day but not stopping to talk with it over a cup of coffee or anything like that. I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. I've never celebrated it, even when I was dating someone, but I'd like to. I'm mostly neutral about the whole business, but appreciate it as an excuse to listen to solid love songs and eat a lot of chocolate. I also noticed on my drive to school this morning that it's a great day to people watch. I saw so many people carrying bouquets of flowers, teddy bears, and heart shaped boxes like it was the norm. I think it'd be pretty cool if that was a normal thing, people carrying around cheesy gifts (nachos) for the people they thought were really cool.
So, Johnny Cash is the newest theme in my life at the moment. And by theme I mean that he just kind of keeps popping up randomly, but frequently in different areas of my life. Taking this as a sign, I decided to listen to some of his music, and now I can't stop. Just last night, because I have such a busy social life, I had a play dress up and listen to Johnny Cash jamboree. It was just as exceptional as I'm exaggerating it to be, let me tell you. And today, when I found myself wearing black and stomping around in kick ass boots, I couldn't help but feel like I was channeling "the man in black" himself, though he probably never really wore purple tights or cameo pins.
On Mondays and Wednesdays, I've got a bit of a hike from my last class back to the parking lot, which are on opposite sides of the campus. Today I decided to take out my ipod and listen to some music to make the stroll a little more pleasant. Whenever I listen to music while I ride on the bus or train, or go for a walk, I always kind of imagine I'm in a movie, and get super thoughtful (normative behavior, I'm sure). Today, I dug my hands in my pockets and started to think about the serendipitous nature of knowing who I know. While lamenting an unrequited love, I think it was my mother that said "Well, he may not be in your life for you to be in a relationship with, but he's at least teaching you something about what you want and what you don't want." In my opinion, there are simply too many people in the world that I will never meet, so I think that everyone I do meet has something to offer and teach me, and I to them as well. Whether it's the curly haired boy in my history class that reminds me of my ex, the girl on campus who rocks midi-length skirts better than anyone I've ever seen, or the postal worker in Tarrytown who pleasantly jokes with and chides everyone who mails something, I feel like I'm always learning from the people I come across.