Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Dark Haired Earth Shaker

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I'm currently reading The Odyssey for one of my literature classes this semester, and one of my favorite things about reading that epic, as well as the Iliad, are the fantastic epithets, or repeated creative phrases, scattered throughout. I love that daybreak is called "dawn, with her rosy fingers," and that Athena is referred to as "grey-eyed Athene" and that Penelope is almost always "circumspect Penelope." I could go on and on, 'cause there are a TON (yep, 2000 pounds of epithets. I checked). One of my new favorites that I hadn't noticed in the past is Neptune being referred to as the "dark haired earth shaker." I just think it's such a fantastic idea. I'd love to be a dark haired earth shaker, since I have dark hair and all. I guess I'm halfway there! Anyway, something about this outfit makes me think of The Odyssey. Maybe it's that my tights are blue, like the sea Odysseus is frequently traversing. Or maybe it's that the loose drapeyness of the dress I'm wearing reminds me of a gown Athena or Kalypso might drape over themselves.

Speaking of reading, one of my good friends Charlotte took these photos on campus for me today. One of the things I love most about my college is the awesome campus, full of lovely little nooks and old buildings.

Dress: Goodwill, Tights: Hue, Boots: Vintage

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Peeking Around the Corner

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More than ever before, I think, I feel like my future is this big, creepy question mark dangling in front of my nose, so close to my face that it looks more like a blur than anything. People keep asking me what I want to do with my life, and I just kind of smile and say, "Oh, I don't know, something with literature." Then they assume that I want to be an English teacher and I let them because, though I don't really want to be an english teacher, I even less so want to talk to someone who wants answers to questions I'm just beginning to ask myself. Then I've got people talking to me about relationships, and finding a boyfriend/hook-up guy/spouse. People keep telling me "Well, you've got to be more confident/outgoing/annoying, because you only attract what you give off!" I'm so tired of people telling me that "I attract what I give off," and better yet, that I should adjust my behavior only so that I attract a different brand of guy. I finally feel like I'm embracing who I am, and more importantly, learning how to show that person to other people. My lack of good friends who have stuck by me for long periods of time, coupled with every boy I've dated telling me I need to change myself to better suit him, has led me to believe that I, in my current state, am not worth all that much. I work hard every day to remind myself that I am, because I do like who I am, and who I continue to become, and every day I get a little more comfortable showing people more and more pieces of who I am.

Right now, there are a lot of people in my life who expect me to know what I want and who I want to marry and what my expected salary in 2015 will be, when in reality, I have no clue! Well, maybe I've got some inklings, but no one seems to want inklings from me, just answers and plans. I had plans for a long time, until I realized that plans, for the sake of plans, are not very good plans to have. Do I want to figure things out for myself? Of course! But right now, I want to hone in on the things I love, and cultivate myself into something extraordinary. I want to read creepy stories, classics, and poetry that makes me uncomfortable due to how good it is. I want to continue to write my own poetry about tumbleweeds and scabs and falling in love, give myself a voice, and maybe, just maybe publish something one day. I want to be a better student, but not to the point where I'm unhappy. I want to bake more. I really want to go for a hike instead of just reblogging pictures of hikers and mountains on tumblr. I don't want to live my life with expectations of what my life should be, or could be, or what anyone else believe my life should or could be. I figure I should just do all of this stuff and figure things out as I go along. That's not going to be good enough for all of the people who want me to have more friends or have a career plan or have a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend, but it should be good enough for me, and I think it is.

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Cinder and Smoke

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Today has been deliciously rainy. I say deliciously, because it's given me a good excuse to drink lots of vanilla biscotti coffee. And also because I may be heading out for a really fatty dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. While I love food, rainy days make me want to eat even more than usual. Other things rainy days make me want to do: cozy up in the library with some quality reading (check) listen to a whole lot of Iron&Wine (check check), and wear one of my comfiest sweaters (check check check). Also, thanks to you guys who read my writers block post. It's really been what's been weighing most heavily on me lately, so I really wanted to write about it and maybe (hopefully) help someone out in the process.

Dress: H&M, Sweater: Madewell, Shoes: Dolce Vita via Marshall's

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Beating Up Writers Block

Writers Block - the bane of every writer's existence. Well, maybe that's too dramatic, but it's no secret that writer's block is a real pain. Especially when you've got a manuscript, 20 page paper, chapbook due. It's terrible on a personal level too, though. At least for me. As someone who writes poetry predominantly about my experiences and feelings, it's frustrating for me to be unable to formulate something that should just be natural. So then, one of two things happens: I either force myself to try and write something I'm not fully invested in, and it turns out amazingly bad and then I feel bad, or I brood and avoid the idea of writing completely, waiting for the glorious muses to reign inspiration upon me in the form of interesting metaphors, which uh, doesn't happen much.

The point I'm getting at, is that it's really nice when writing is happening. It's nice to travel in a direction in which you're simultaneously progressing and enjoying the ride. But that doesn't always happen. For me, I have the biggest trouble writing when I'm outside of a poetry workshop, which is a problem since I only have a year's worth of college writing workshops left to motivate me, and unfortunately I was unable to take one this semester.

Yesterday, I was feeling particularly broody, about both my (lack of) writing and some personal jazz. I walked into my 9:30 class a half hour early and kind of let my mind frolic (or maybe wallow?) among the angst. This, in a surprising turn of events, led me to a not half bad idea. I don't know how the thought came up exactly (though I'm sure Valentine's Day isn't helping) but I thought about turning an expected love poem around a bit. What I decided to do was a experiment, where I wrote a list poem with the subject "In Response to the text, "I Miss You Baby. Take Me Back."

What I've found I like most about a good poem, by my own hand or someone else's, are really vivid, interesting metaphors an images. It's also one of the most difficult things to create in my own writing. So, writing this list poem was really a way to get my mind into poetry mode. All it's made up of is similes. Though the resulting poem as a whole isn't good, it's the process that's important. Forcing myself to come up with interesting images, to compare two things that don't conventionally match up, led me to some really interesting places. The interesting bits can lead me somewhere new. It's these little pieces of imagery that can take you somewhere new, somewhere you wouldn't have thought to go otherwise.

The "poem" I came up with has a range of silly and serious images, since I really have no clear direction of where I want my next poem to go. I figured with more variety comes more opportunity of something good happening. I don't know why I'm sharing this, because I'm kind of really squeamish about sharing any of my poetry, let alone a wonky writing experiment. So, uh, here's what I came up with



In Response to the Text Message, “I Miss You, Baby. Take Me Back.”


I miss you too, baby.
I miss you the way the sky misses a buzzing horse fly.
I miss you the way the moon misses a grubby astronaut foot, and a flag in the face.
I miss you the way a spiderweb misses a battering broom head.
I miss you the way an escaped circus monkey misses wearing a tutu, and clapping its hands on command.
I miss you the way a wool sweater misses a moth mouth.
I miss you the way a butterfly misses crawling.
I miss you the way a baby head misses its soft spot.
I miss you the way a scab misses a clump of pus.
I miss you the way my ears miss your flickering hisses.
I miss you the way my fingers miss curling in on themselves.
I miss you the way my body misses curling in on itself.
I miss you the way my brain misses curling in on itself.

Baby.

I miss you too.


So, I ended up trying to come up with images that really kind of snarkily, and sometimes painfully, take the idea of missing someone and turn it on its head, to say, I don't miss you or what you're about at all. There are some images here that I feel like I can take with me into another poem, like the "moth mouth" or the "spiderweb/battering broomhead" or a body part curling in on itself like a dead leaf, or gnarled like tree bark. Basically, writing this, doing this experiment, forced me to think about poetry as poetry. I wasn't trying to portray my own feelings about something (though there's definitely bits of me in there), and I didn't go into writing it with any expectation of what the resulting poem would be.

I've been struggling so much with writers block since winter break began (and it's now OVER), so I wanted to share a post about it, and this attempt to try and overcome it. I'm no pro on beating writers block, but this was a good way to try to get myself back in the mode of thinking creatively without any expectations. Hope this helps a bit! And if you try this sort of experiment, or have any writers block advice, I'd love to hear what you've written or done!

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(This book of poems (Mother Said by Hal Sirowitz) is a good book of poems. It's a shame my nose is reading it and not my eyes)



Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Lace Face

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So, as you can see, the snow has all vanished since my last post. This weather is out of control, let me tell you. Anyway, I decided to attempt to take my own outfit photos today. As you can see, I most certainly do not have the hang of it. But hey, at least I'm in focus (I think), which is progress. There are a ton of cool places up by where I work that I want to explore and photograph, so hopefully I'll get the hang of it! Practice makes perfect. Or at least, practice makes passable. These were taken in what I believe is called Sleepy Hollow park. It's a nice little patch of greenery with a tiny waterfall and cool looking bridge. Hopefully I'll get to photograph soon! I would've taken outfit photos there today if it weren't for some meddling kids hanging out there. They weren't really meddling, so much as, well, sitting. Another day!

Anyway, I recently swapped a few garments with Chloe, and this dress is one of those! She seriously has such fantastic taste in clothes. I can't wait to wear everything she sent me!

Dress: Chloe's, Blouse: Cotton On, Boots: Arkival Threads

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Snow Hands

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We got our first real winter snowfall of the season on Saturday! I say "winter snowfall" because we got a pretty bad snowstorm in October, which was weird and disorienting more than it was fun. Saturday's snow was quite welcome though, at least by me. I like snow the most when it's just in flurries, blowing in the wind rather than collecting on the ground, but I'm cool with a decent covering of snow as well. We also went to a family party on Saturday, and this is what I wore.I honestly never know what to wear to family parties, since my "casual" is more dressy than my family's "dressy." My first inclination is generally to wear a party dress, which I started with. The combination all of my family members wearing jeans, plus my own not really wanting to look too "froo-froo" led me to put something a bit more casual together, with my old pal, the denim vest.

PS- Upon reviewing these pictures, I realized that snow has this weird effect on me, in which it causes me to not know what the hell to do with my hands. Enjoy.

Shirt: H&M, Skirt, Vest: Goodwill, Shoes: Ruche, Bag: JCPenney, Scarf: Taylor House

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Friday, January 20, 2012

Great Lengths

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When I walked downstairs to go put on my coat and head out for outfit photos, I heard my dad's voice, booming from the recliner, go, "WOW, I mean, WOW. That one's gotta go on yaw fashin blahhg!" So, here I am, at his bequest. Not really, though. I think he was just a fan of this outfit due to the modest hemline that most of my skirts and dresses scoff at. I had been wanting to try a longer length skirt for a while, and when I saw this skirt in the big Modcloth sale for 20 bucks, I figured it was worth a shot. I'm actually a big fan of it. It may make me look short or whatever, but I'm more a fan of the concept "wear whatever the hell you want" as opposed to "wear what flatters your body," or at least I'm trying to be. Plus the tag said that the color of this skirt was "waterfall biscuit," and how can you go wrong with waterfall biscuit?

Skirt: Modcloth, Sweater: Forever 21, Wedges: Ruche, Necklace: Grandma's

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Grandma's Closet

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This outfit made me think of something I could put together if I was given 20 minutes to put together a look made entirely of garments from my grandma's closet. Or someone else's grandma's closet. The whole thing feels a little bit...old? But not in a way I dislike at all. I think it's the combination of the faux-fur collar and the shape of the coat I'm wearing. And that the brooch I attached is actually my grandma's. It's funny, whenever we go shopping together I'll pick something up and my grandma will say in her sassy Bronx accent, "Aww don't buy that, I got the same thing in my closet from fifty yea's ago. FIFTY YEA'S!" What can I say, my grandma's got good taste. Or I've just got old lady taste. Both are possible/probable.

Oh, and please excuse the fact that my nose is the same color as my coat (or don't, if you think it adds to the outfit or something). It was a bit too cold to be out and about, posing in front of someone else's house without a coat on, but you know me - always living and the edge (of catching a cold).

Dress, Collar: Asos, Shoes: Ruche, Brooch: Grandma's, Coat: Tag sale

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Monday, January 16, 2012

I Was Just Some Tow-Head Teen

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Every day on my drive home from school, I pass by this small lake perched between the highway and a grubby looking suburb. Today I was driving the same route and decided to stop off to take some outfit photos. The water is just barely frozen over, so it's got this odd, pearly sheen to it. As I expected, there was a bit of garbage strewn about the surrounding are (including a suspicious whole trash bag?) but there were far more leaves and downed branches covering the ground. I would have stayed and explored a bit more, particularly because there was a playground with a tire swing, but it was just far too cold for my tights-clad legs to deal with for more than just a short time.

Oh, and before I forget, I added a few things to my blog shop, so pop on over if you like.

Skirt: Urban Outfitters + DIY, Sweater, Coat: Urban Outfitters, Blouse: Nordstrom Rack, Tights: We Love Colors, Boots: Famous Footwear

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Turn The Dirt Over

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Yesterday, a lot of things came to a head. I got let down and lost my temper. All I wanted was to dramatically storm out of the house and drive somewhere far away, but I settled for quietly leaving the house and driving somewhere a half hour away. I didn't know where exactly I wanted to go, but I knew that I wanted to be alone in a place I could wander and clear my head. Preferably a scenic location, because how often does beautiful scenery make things worse? A few weeks ago, I was driving around and running errands with my bosses, and they led me past this wonderful lake just a few minutes from the Writers' Center. It was the perfect opportunity to explore. I walked the dirt trails, climbed over branches, and listened to the trees creak and sway. Little black birds darted past me, and ducks took flight. I learned that ice crunching beneath my feet is a beautiful sound. I got my oxfords muddy. I saw a family of deer cross a house-lined street. I felt my legs go just a little bit numb, and got my spirits lifted. I also took some photos, so I wanted to share some of them so you guys could see what I saw yesterday.

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole