Thankful

These past few months have been tumultuous. This past week has been tumultuous. In short, we were going to adopt a cat, then we were not, then we were, then we DID, and now we aren't. I was woken up this morning by my mother saying, "I'm bringing the adoption papers back" so I haven't been in the best mood since. It's really tough for anyone to have her hopes raised high and dropped down. I was planning to get up this morning and write a list of what I'm thankful for. Honestly, I'm not in the mood right now, which is exactly why I'm going to write one. The reason why I love reading other people's thankful/happy lists is because they focus on the positivity in their lives instead of whatever's going wrong. So, here we go

I am thankful for:

-My family. I always start here because I feel like it makes the most sense.
-Cheryl, for the support she's given me the past few months. For letting me stay over at her apartment so many weekends. For listening to my cry over the past and gush uncontrolabley about boys. For being a disney princess. For telling me I was doing the right thing when everyone else seemed uncertain.
-Anna, for everything. For years I felt like I only half knew you, and honestly thought you didn't much want me as a sister. Or at least were neutral about it. But this summer, we finally started talking. You shared with me (I kind of forced you, but still) and opened up, and now I feel like I can talk to you about everything. I miss you so much and now that mom's denied me the cat, she's going to have to let me fly across the country to see you in January. You really don't know how happy I am that we have a real relationship now. Also, you're the strongest person I know. What you're going through is not easy, and I love you for your courage.
-Daphny, for having the personality I kind of wish I could have but never will, and for making my sister so happy, and for thinking I'm pretty cool.
-Mom. She's not always right, but she's understanding. She's a good mom.
-Bill Shullenberger, for being a sage, a listener, and a friend. And for sending me an e-card on my birthday that contained penguins singing in a soda shop.
-Penguins singing in soda shops.
- Charlotte, for being such a beautiful person. For being so self-less, and for always reassuring me of how good a friend she considers me. That kind of honesty is rare, and I appreciate it more than you know. Also, for loving men in good suits as much as I do.
-Lori Ziesel, for being my friend-mom and for probably giving me the best advice about my breakup/crushes of anyone. And for Josh and Matt. I miss you guys too much.

-Steph, Amanda, Gerlin, Sasha, my high school friends, for still liking me and for being some of the best people I know. I wish I could see you more often.

-Lissette, for being an inspiring lady.

-Bear Mountain, for being beautiful and majestic. Can I go there now?
-My job at the Writers' Center. Honestly, I had a dim hope of having an unpaid internship or working at starbucks during this semester. When I went for my interview with Ryan and Frank, I knew that I needed to work there. It wasn't even what I asked for, but now I'm a paid part-time worker there with the title of "administrator," though I think that gives me too much credit. I'm so thankful to be working, and to be working at a job I genuinely enjoy going to. Which reminds me...
-Frank and Ryan. These two guys are the best co-workers/bosses/office mates I could ever hope to have. Honestly. Thank you Frank for caring about my breakup when you hardly know me, playfully making fun of me (Ryan should be included in this one, too), and telling me at the end of almost every work day that you appreciate the job I'm doing. Thank you Ryan for liking good music and for recommending bands/artists to me that I actually listen to pretty constantly now, for making me laugh, and for engaging in weird discussions with me about cats and the people whose credit cards I run.

-Really cozy sweaters.
-Poetry, writing it and reading it and hearing it. It's a big part of my life.
-Ebony, the cat we were supposed to adopt. I wish we could have brought you home more than you know. You'll find a home because you're the sweetest cat in the whole shelter. I miss you and I'm sorry.

-Keila, for egging me on.
-Macaroni and cheese from Homeroom.
-Spotify, for helping me find so many new bands I love.
-Band of Horses.
-Rediscovering and multiplying my love of The Shins.
-Being able to meet some of my favorite blog friends this year (Kallie, Michal, Emily, Elanor, Ellie)
-This blog in general and the people it's led me to meet. My blog pals are some of the best people I know, and the thought of not ever meeting you guys is a terrible one.
-Henry David Thoreau.
- Kurt Vonnegut. And his books. He is a sage, and I wish I could have known him, though he probably wouldn't have really liked me.
-Foxes.
-The Bronx Zoo.
-Italian food in general because it is delicious.
-San Francisco and Santa Cruz, and for the fact that I got to visit California two years in a row (and maybe in January again)
-Dresses, for making me feel less chubby than pants, and for being cute.
-Hot chocolate on rainy nights.
-Donut Plant donuts. I was obsessing over them for months, then had one, and it was delicious.
-Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pie. Pumpkins.
-Every stranger who's improved my day without knowing it.
-My poetry professor for being a sage and making me want to write.
-That I have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, and clothes in my closet.
-Myself. This is kind of a weird one but, BEAR WITH ME, I was watching the biggest loser and Hannah was all, "This year I need to be thankful for myself and for how far I've come, because I've never done that before." You guys all know that since August, things have been pretty hectic. I broke up with a guy I had been with for four years, who was a really good guy, but the relationship just wasn't right. I needed to be more independent, stronger, overall just better and in a healthier state of mind. And I feel like I've already become a different person. I can handle more on my own, I can look at things in a positive way more often than ever before. I have a strength to me and a resolve that I never had before. I'm, to steal a phrase, still "getting used to my new normal," because it's so weird to feel stronger and better about myself. But I am, and I'm thankful so much for that.


The thing about these lists is that I am forgetting SO many important things and people. I should really, starting tomorrow, make a yearly list for next Thanksgiving so I don't frantically type up the things that pop into my head. But anyway, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you're all already having beautiful days, but if not, I hope they get better, and that you can force yourself (I know, it's not easy) to look at the good you've got.

Until tomorrow,
Nicole