Some of you may have noticed that my blog's been a pretty quiet place for the past week, and that I haven't been commenting on your blogs much at all. For that, I'm sorry. And as much as I don't want to type out this explanation, I'm hoping it will be therapeutic or cathartic in some way. On Sunday, I broke up with my boyfriend, Zak. I wasn't sure of the reason, but i was pushing him away, resenting him. Bad things. I thought it was his fault that I didn't have many friends, and that he was the reason I was unhappy a lot of the time. So, I broke up with him and broke his heart. Very soon after, I realized I had made a huge mistake. I rushed myself into a decision that, while was ultimately my fault, I felt pressured to make. I apologized and told him I loved him, and now the ball's in his court. It's not easy having your future up in the air, though I know I deserve it. I've spent the last few days crying, feeling sick to my stomach, and trying to be happy. Obviously, dressing up and taking photos was the last thing I felt like doing. Now, though, there's nothing I can do but live my life, distract myself from the pain, and get back to normalcy, whatever that is now. And, part of normal life is taking pictures and blogging, so I thought that's a good place to start.
Today I went out with my friend Charlotte, and we did a bit of thrift shopping. I was able to pick up some cute new decorations for my room and a few tops. I'm wearing some new stuff here, since there's something about new clothes that clouds despair just the slightest bit. I picked up this deer print dress the other day, and ordered these loafers a few weeks ago. I like them, but the left shoe is a bit too big. I think I have two different size feet. Ah well. I finally tried out the "little socks" trend I've been hesitant to try, but I figured that trying something new might be a good idea at the moment.
Dress: H&M, Socks: We Love Colors, Shoes: Urban Outfitters
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
oh love, i am sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeletebreakups are hard. maybe some distance from each other will help.
i say this to everyone dealing with a breakup & really mean it when i say.."everything happens for a reason." being the old lady that i am.. :P i have been through a few breakups and have been where you are right now. keep smiling darling..
you look beautiful and that print on your dress is just perfect.
oh dear i am so sorry to hear this. these situations are so tough. breakups are reallyhard but this might turn out to be something positive for the both of you. sometimes distance really helps people to get their perspectives and priorities right. i hope you'll keep a smile on your face because you're so beautiful. love the dress you are wearing.
ReplyDeletenicole :( I hope you're better now, you know that if you need anything you can always e-mail me! try to do things that make you feel happy, ok? We all love you very much.
ReplyDeleteAww Nicole I'm so sorry and wish I could give you the biggest hug ever (which I will when I see you in a few weeks). You know you can always email me to talk and vent, but maybe...just maybe, this is all for the best? I agree with Gee in that everything really does happen for a reason, so it may be cloudy now, but the sun always comes up :) On a happier note, you look wonderful! I was contemplating on this deer printed dress too while I was at h&m!
ReplyDeletei want this dress.
ReplyDeletebut on a sidenote. i understand completely how you can immediately regret that. i hope it works out for you, but i know you're stronger than you think and you'll be okay no matter what.
Ughhh, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that right now! In the past I made a similar decision and questioned it. It turned out to be the best choice for me at the time. But it sucks to be unsure, and it's really hard to be on either side of a break-up, especially when it's not mutual. Good luck with whatever happens...and you look fabulous in this adorable deer dress.
ReplyDeleteI can only relate to this from personal experience, but for what it's worth, I had a go at breaking up with my boyfriend a couple of years after being together because I let similar beliefs cloud my better judgement. You've really hurt this guy nicole :( I did it too and it's awful, and he's just a guy. He doesn't actually have the power to keep you from having friends, or make you unhappy, or stop you from doing the things you want to do.. He's just this sweet guy who is so f*cking in love with you girl! For me, we were so intertwined that while I was growing up and changing so much, I sort of mapped myself onto him and didn't morph into me, but morphed into Us, and then had to extract myself from our duality. Over a weekend I broke up with him, and likewise, I then realised I made a huge mistake. I'd acted on a desire of the same nature as wanting to eat a whole packet of cookies (which is no big thing in comparison!). You'll have a lot to figure out, but if your zak is anything like my tim then he's not going anywhere, so be cool you have time to sort it out, and talk more, heaps more, and also have more sex. I really hope that whatever happens, it's the best choice you could ever make - no regrets. Hehe you don't have to let this comment through but I hope you read it! Lots of love xo
ReplyDeleteThings will work out soon! Sometimes life is just hard because you can't immediately see the future. It's most important to work on yourself and to be happy!!! Anyways, I like the little print on your dress. It's adorable. Good for you and trying new things with the socks.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cute print! You look super cute!
ReplyDeleteI know there are not any words I can say to help because I've never been in this situation. But definitely listen to all of these other ladies. They've got some great advice and they truly have your best interest in mind.
ReplyDeleteI guess like with all tough situations in life - stay strong and just take it one day at a time. I hope that in your next post you will be able to share with us a positive update! Take care, Nicole. :)
Thinking about you lady. I've sort of dropped off the face of the blogosphere for a while, but I just happened to check in on your blog & read this. Sorry to see you going through such a tough time, but Gee's right.. these things happen for a reason. Hang in there kiddo, & email me if you wanna talk! I'm excited to see you in a couple weeks! xo
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad to read this, Nicole, and I hope you're ok. I'm having some definite heart-ache myself at the moment, so shoot me an email if you ever feel like it and we can commiserate.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your relationship and couldn't give advice anyway, but I will say don't confuse grief and guilt over how you've made him feel with the strength of your own feelings for him. Maybe you're not; I only mention it because it's something I've definitely done.
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I am sure that you guys will be able to get pass this hard moment in your relationship, because you two love each other and that doesn't go away so easily. Thinking of you!
ReplyDelete