Something you may not know about me - or maybe you do, in which case I'm impressed - is that I'm big on metaphors and "signs from the universe." Even though when things go wrong I tend to panic, shut down, and push people away, my mind is always aware of and interpreting the things going on around me. Last night, I found myself peering out my window, watching hurricane Irene gently rattle everything on my block. Trees were swaying, fences were swaying, cars were swaying, and soon I was swaying (it was infectious). As I stood their, gently rocking, I couldn't help but think of the powerlessness of everything around me. Everything was subject to nature, to the winds and the rains and the bright lightening cracking the sky. I've been frustrated lately due to the powerlessness I've been feeling in my own life. One of the hardest parts of the breakup that I chose to have has been the waiting and wondering, the not knowing whether or not someone wants to be with me. I've been feeling like I don't have control of my life right now, that my future is in someone else's hands. The storm made me realize that no one is ever in full control of their own life. Whether it's nature, illness, or the people in your life, we can only control so much. We have to do what we can to better ourselves and try our best to deal with everything that trips us up. I can't control the future of my relationship right now. I have to accept that and move beyond it, making all of the positive choices I can to improve the other areas of my life. Hurricane Irene didn't turn out to be so bad. Hopefully it's a sign that I can get through this, too.
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
