I Think I Need A New Heart

Lately, I've been mulling over a lot of things. Probably one too many things. One might even go so far as to say that my mulling meter is overflowing. Predominantly, I've been thinking about my future, how it doesn't seem to be enough to have a part-time job that I really like. I feel like most of the people around me (including those I barely know) are giving me a gentle nudge in the direction of graduate schools and internships. On the train home from New Hampshire the other day, this woman who knew hardly anything about me except that I write and am a senior in college was advising me to "look for an internship in the city and make connections." Seriously. Is it so hard to focus on current happiness? To do what makes you feel worthwhile right now, without being hyper-concerned about this mysterious ever-looming "future" I've been hearing so much about? Is it possible to be simultaneously unconventional and successful? Is it possible to have a crush on someone who claims people call him "the luck box?" Is it possible to eat a half of a watermelon in one sitting? Hint: the answers to the last two are, unfortunately, yes. I still haven't quite figured out what to do with the former two questions.

I picked up this lace dress last weekend while visiting Callie. I almost didn't try this dress on, but thanks to some encouragement from her, I ended up giving it a shot, and may have fallen in love with it. Or, at least, came the closest that I've ever come to falling in love with a garment. It's fun and girly, but can be easily roughed up by some denim. And you know I love me some denim vests.


Dress: Vintage, Vest: Salvation Army, Sandals: Madden Girl via Marshall's













So, while taking my photos today, my mom did this awesome thing where she took 8,000 horribly unflattering photos of me. I call this one,
"Did you say CAT?! WHERE?!"



And here is a gif of me falling over while laughing. Thanks, mom!






Until tomorrow,
Nicole

New Hampshire

On Friday night, my Vermonter train clattered into Brattleboro. As I eagerly (and gracefully, of course) made my way off, I scanned the cars and faces until I heard a loud "NICOLE!!!" and saw Callie running toward me. I had barely thrown my backpack into the backseat of her car before Callie launched excitedly into describing a "parking lot situation" that had happened shortly before my arrival. "And then she said, 'Well aren't you a PICTURE!'" As vague of a compliment as that statement is, most of this weekend was sort of like a picture, in that there was so much I saw and did and heard and spoke that was so good, that I'm barely sure it was all real. It's fortunate I remembered to take some pictures. New Hampshire is one of the most beautiful, fun places I've been. Callie took me to a beautiful field, overlooking Walpole (correct me if I'm wrong, Callie). It was quiet in a way I'd never experienced in the daytime. Crickets and crunching grass, a car curiously rolling by every few minutes, laughter. We went to the local music store, Turn It Up, plenty of times to visit her friends and leaf through rows of records. We visited Burdick's chocolates and had the most delicious chocolate I've ever had. We strolled around Main Street while she told me of the local lore (Jumanji was filmed in Keene, NH by the way). We stood up late into the night talking about everything, and I was woken up by piano music drifting through her living room. It was really a wonderful weekend that was so much fun, and so thoughtful. Thanks for being the best tourguide, Callie (and for letting me sleep on your couch)!



























"Why do you get to hold a bouquet, but I don't?!"



Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Bound By Symmetry

I'm really big on the idea of "the universe." Things happening for a reason, meeting people for a reason, crossing paths, you know. It probably stems from some sort of unfortunate control issue or something, but it's a big part of my mindset. Probably to an obsessive, annoying degree, but who's really keeping track of these things, am I right? Yesterday, a whole bunch of extraordinary coincidences and path crossings occurred, and I was just left repeating (muttering? drunkenly spewing?) the words, "Really? I mean, really?" For example, I put my ipod on shuffle while driving to work, which I never do, and just as I was drawing closer to my job, Red Right Ankle by The Decemberists came over the car speakers. Now, I dearly love that song, but it's not the sort of song I would ever listen to at nine in the morning because it bums me out something fierce. When my co-worker walked into work, headphones in, I heard Red Right Ankle playing softly, and I flushed with embarrassment, thinking I forgot to shut my ipod off (this has been known to happen). I quickly realized, half-relieved, half-confused, 100% astonished, that the song was coming from his headphones. I confirmed that that was the song he was listening to, and we subsequently high fived. ASTONISHING! Seriously, what are the odds of that? NOT GOOD, those are the odds. Then there were the series of really nice people I encountered on the drive to work (most notably the garbage man). REMARKABLE! Maybe it's silly of me, but these kind of things are really grounding. It's easy for me to get caught up in my own work, my own thoughts and fears, my own problems. Then these extraordinary things I have no power over just sort of happen, weaving my life in some small, unique way to someone else's, and I feel a little reminder of how simultaneously large and small the world really is.

Blouse: Old Navy, Skirt: DIY, Shoes: Vintage









Now for some realistic photos! bloopers! Here are the faces I make when I have to spend the day writing grant reports, and think about how the universe might actually be taunting me.





On that note,


Until tomorrow,
Nicole

A Voice That Sings

This weekend was a silly weekend. On Saturday, we celebrated my father's birthday and father's day in one big, cheesy festival. After a yummy meal at Becco, we saw Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark. Yes, the musical about Spiderman. Oh wow, was it something. Definitely, something. The songs were about as terrible as I expected. For some reason, Arachne, the lady of Greek myth that is turned into a spider by a wrathful Athena, played like a super huge role in the musical. That, and she had an Irish accent. The Green Goblin was top notch, though. As were the parts where Spiderman flew over the tops of our heads. Afterwards, we ate a lot of cheesecake, and it was divine (like Athena, but with cake). Yesterday was less eventful, because I slept until noon and spent the whole day embroidering one piece of fabric.

These pictures make me laugh. Do you guys ever look through your photos and just think to yourself, "I am taking myself way too seriously"? I mean, what am I longingly gazing at in that side profile photo? That shady looking gray van that often parks in front of my house? Romantic! Sorry if I just shattered the illusion that I am a fairy who spends most of my time in soft lighting, gazing over my shoulder. You can still think that, if you want.

Skirt: Vintage, Top: Delia's, Sandals: Korks by Kork-Ease











Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Nobody's Baby

I wore this for a day of driving around, shuffling throw book rows at Barnes and Noble (and weeping over them), sipping a frappacino, stuffing my face with a delicious hamburger, watching Fantastic Mr. Fox, and perfecting Poe's hair. Yeah, I think that might just be everything I did today. I lead one of those exciting lives young people are always leading. I also ended up thinking a lot, about the people in my life. I mentioned yesterday that I've been feeling sort of funky, and when I'm in a funk, I tend to get really chatty. As you probably haven't noticed ever, I like talking and writing to try and work through what I'm feeling. I started thinking about how different all of the people I'm close to are, and what the different experiences and mindsets that they've all formulated help me to understand what I'm going through, and gain new perspectives. I know a lot of very wise people. I don't know how or why, but I've really lucked out, knowing the friends, bosses, bloggers, teachers, siblings, cats, doctors, starbucks employees, that I know. I find it hard to make friends, and as much as an open book as I am in this space, it's hard for me to open up, to feel comfortable enough around people to talk freely and without feeling like a whale in an icecream shop - a fact that makes me even more astounded that I have this extraordinary circus of support listening to me and sharing what they know with me.

Blouse, Skirt: Urban Outfitters (old), Sandals: Maddengirl via Marshall's













Until tomorrow,
Nicole

You Can't Plan All the Parts

This jumper is one of my favorite things that I never wear. Before you argue with me that the previous sentence makes no sense-tence, let me explain. I really like the idea of this jumper, and how it looks hanging on the front of my dresser, but it's a tough piece to style. A few days ago, though, I channeled my inner infant train conductor (we all have one) and came up with this silly little outfit. It's a little weird, but if you (don't) know me (at all), you know I'm all about trying new things (rarely). Speaking of weird things, I've been feeling like a weird thing myself lately. Since I got back from California, I've been feeling pretty funky (and not in the good, Saturday Night Fever way, either). Work feels funky. My relationships with this city and this house feel funky. My relationships in general feel funky. Last night, I went out to a concert with my boss and some of his pals, and we saw a band called the Two Man Gentlemen Band, who were funky also (but in the good, Saturday Night Fever Way). See, funky. And weird. Another funky and weird (but good) thing? This book of Kurt Vonnegut's short stories I'm reading and posing with in these pictures.

Jumper: Asos, Shirt: Forever 21, Shoes: Vintage