Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Times They Are Strange, But They're Bound to Change


One of the worst parts of breakups, for me, is the doubt and worry they bring. When I was still deliberating my decision, one of the major factors that was keeping me in my relationship was the fear that I would never find someone else who would love me, let alone want to date me. Now, obviously this is no reason to stay with someone, but it was for me. The thought of being alone is terrifying. You don't know how many times I've thought "I'm too weird for anyone to like. Who wants this weird girl who eats pastries like it's nobody's business and spends her Friday nights dramatically lipsyncing to Jack's Mannequin songs?" I was with someone who didn't mind those things about me and couldn't help but question the odds that there was some OTHER guy out there who would do the same. I currently have a bit of a crush on a guy that most likely will not be, uh, "falling in love with me" anytime soon for a multitude of reasons. In the short amount of time that I've known him (read: been irrationally enamored with him), I've thought a million times about how he's just "too good for me": "He's so cute! He's so funny! He's not terrifyingly awkward in social situations! He's probably a hit at parties! He's so nice! He wears plaid! He could never like me." I'm naturally insecure and doubtful of my own worth. One of the reasons I ended my last relationship is because I didn't like the person I had become in that four year span. I was terribly needy, dependent, unhappy, and insecure - all things I do not want to be. And I feel like I'm finally starting to become the person I really want to be, though, I'm still of course in baby steps mode. Today, I was having a particularly doubtful day, and couldn't shake these thoughts much at all. So on my way home I stopped by the park and did some writing and thinking. One of things I thought was that you can't get upset that someone doesn't like what they don't know about you. I'm naturally inclined to hold back when I meet new people. I'm shy, but also weird, which means I overly think about what I share with people and what I don't. It also means that I end up sharing ridiculous things I shouldn't share ("I"M NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH TO TAKE TO A FANCY RESTAURANT,") though that's a different - but related - story. I want to stop worrying about "being too weird for people" and just be myself. In reality, if someone doesn't like the eccentric things that make me who I am, I don't want to be their friend or girlfriend. But I'll never know if they like me or not if I don't give them the chance to see me in all my nerdy, hungry, lipsyncing glory, no. So instead of saying someone's "too good for me," I'd like to be saying "maybe we'd be good for each other," you know? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this stuff. I know my posts have been introspective and break-up related lately, but that's what I'm feeling and thinking, so that's what I feel like I have to share here.

Blouse, Skirt, Shoes: Urban Outfitters, Cardigan, Trench: H&M, Tights: We Love Colors






Until tomorrow,


  1. Cute outfit! Love your jacket!


  2. Ack I feel awful, I've been very behind with blogs and didn't realize you were going through a breakup. Nothing is wrong with using this as an outlet nor should you feel guilty about being introspective. What we wear translates who we are and how we feel. And I know to well what you are going thru, having gone through the dissolution of my engagement 6 months ago. If you wanna talk privately, I'm here for you and am all ears (well technically eyes since you read emails :)

    <3 Lauren
    Sparrow & Urchin

  3. I am sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I am quite young, and have never had a serious relationship. But I do know what it's like to question your self worth. I hope things brighten up for you!

    Love the jacket and the plaid shirt. So adorable, like always :) Thank you for the comment on my blog, by the way.

  4. I know you IRL, and you aren't weird in the slightest. You are on the quiet side, but but I'm on the obnoxious side so...we all have our things ;) I think you are sweet and thoughtful, stylish, pretty and a million things that are charming. You write (and who doesn't love a girl who writes??) and you read...boys find this interesting!!! You're getting older and they find it even more interesting now.
    Your self worth shouldn't come from a guy.
    But any chick that is ballsy enough to post pics of herself on the internet in sassy outfits obviously knows she's got something going on worth sharing/reading/seeing.
    I <3 you!

  5. Honestly, I think you're dealing with all of this very well and are exceptionally mature, and introspection is both normal and (maybe) necessary.
    People everywhere think they're too weird, or too something else, to be loved. Most people find partners. I guarantee you'll find someone who makes you happier, but in the meantime I like all this talk of growing and becoming.

    P.S. Fancy restaurants. Insecurity aside, that's a silly thought. I've been to some fancy restaurants. Know who's there? Boring rich people, boring business people, boring tourists. And occasionally someone new to it like you or I just enjoying the experience. You'll never see those people again. Help yourself to the Agent Provocateur soaked towels in the toilet. : D

  6. Wow - so many great topics to comment on. I think it's cool that you use your blog to vent in this way because people may be going through the same things and can relate. I'd say that's true with ANY kind of issue. It's just comforting to know somebody else is dealing with it as well.

    The first thing I pulled from this was your thought of nobody would like you and this may be your shot at a relationship. My mom was previously married and her ex-husband told her that nobody would ever love her again. At the time, my mom (being in her early 30's) believed this to be true. Well she did eventually get married again (can't say it's a good one...) but the point is, there is still more life and love to be had no matter what you or anybody says.

    The other thing is - pretty much everyone has their quirks. Tons of people are too shy to say something first (I am!)
    We just have to recognize these things in others and get over it. There really, truly is some guy out there that is going to think you are so cool because of your interest.
    I'm starting to feel like one of those weird love gurus who is pathetically single but hands out advice. I guess I've picked up on a lot of things seeing my friends go in and out of relationships.
    I can't wait to see what topic you bring up next!!

  7. :) You really remind me of myself hehe.. at least you're saying things I can definitely relate to! Confidence can be a struggle, but you seriously have a lot going for you, and you're right- anyone who doesn't love the "real you", doesn't deserve you, so you shouldn't worry about it anyway! I know I've had to tell myself that before. I've been really interested in someone, and held back because I didn't want them to see how ridiculous/silly/etc I am, but then I realized that I can't go on pretending forever! Be yourself. As Kallie said, I know you IRL and you aren't "weird". You're awesome, smart, charming and a ton of fun to be around!

  8. I think that everyone is weird in one way or another. And if someone says that aren't weird, well then they're lying. We all have strange things about us, we all have skeletons in our closet and we all have insecurities. I hope you enjoy this bit of single lifestyle to continue thinking about growing as a person and identifying with yourself a little more. You'll be better and happier in the long run:)

  9. i was the same way with my college boyfriend (before my husband) i just stayed with him bc i didn't want to be alone.
    we finally broke up and it was the best decision. i was on my own for about 5 months and i got to know myself again.
    then the rest is history.. :0)
    we are all weird. being weird is wonderful.
    enjoy the single life. you are beautiful nicole. <33

  10. I feel you my dear! After my bf broke up with me 2 months ago all I could think about was the fact that I would be alone forever and no one would love me like he did (even though he stopped). But I'm slowly getting over that right now and learning to embrace myself. If a guy doesn't like me for who I am then I can't love him fully! I adore this outfit my dear!

  11. i believe how you're thinking about this whole thing is right. i think you're on the best track! i've actually had that same mindset in the past with my last boyfriend...i was afraid of what would happen if i wasn't in a relationship with him...i became dependent and secure on having SOMEBODY that it defeated the purpose...

    just so you know, your blog is one of my absolute favorites, nicole. this is not exactly on the same topic that you were writing about... but, i love that you can share what you're thinking and be real and open. i admire that. <3 (and i also admire your lovely style!)

    stay strong. :)

  12. Well, you know what they say about finding someone when you aren't looking. In my experience it's so true! I met my husband when I had reached a point where I felt happy being alone. I remember writing about it in my journal at the time. I mean, I hadn't started dating him yet, and I actually wrote this entry about how happy I was that I was finally doing things for me, making female friends, etc.

    As Emily said, most people find partners! You are way too smart, interesting and cute to not find the right person eventually. Everyone is "weird." I've written fan fiction, talk too fast and never learned how to flirt at ALL.

    And I love your fall colors in this outfit =)

  13. Oh Nicole...you give yourself too little credit! I know we've already talked about the fear or being alone keeping you in a relationship, but you know I think this break up thing may not have been such a bad thing for you after all :) I love that you say that you're becoming the person you want to be! I'm so very happy for you Nicole and am cheering and rootin for you!

    And I think we are with someone not because they are perfect, but because they are perfect to us. We love all their little quirks and imperfections. I mean to Robert, when I'm pigging out and doing all my weird things, he finds it cute and endearing. Whaaatt??? Crazy right? But some guy will find you absolutely wonderful and adorable and amazing and insert-all-the-good-words-here. :) Don't you worry Nicole! I think maybe you should have fun and be single for a while though, and truly grow to be strong on your own :) I love that you're so willing to pour out your heart here in blogger while I just keep rambling on about the dumb weather and whatever frivolous thing comes to mind!

  14. Such a cute outfit dear! I love the shirt and tights :)
    Now back to important matters...I can understand what you feel, I also feel very insecure, but you should feel more confident about yourself. You're a beautiful person and your weirdness makes you specialand unique; why wouldn't he like you? You should try and talk to him :)


  15. I absolutely love this look! The plaid shirt and the tights are just perfect! I've never actually gone through a breakup so I dont really know what you're going through, but before I started dating my current boyfriend, I seriously wondered if anyone would actually want me to be their girlfriend. I mean I am so shy, weird and introverted! But, I found a guy that is also weird - and now we're weird together and thats alright :) I think you need to give yourself more credit! You'll find that guy, and everything will work out fine. Maybe you should talk to this guy you like? Theres no harm in trying right?

  16. I really love what you said about how couples should be "good for each other", and I feel the same way about it. I think it's not a matter of who's "better" than the other person, but how they complement each other and become better because of each other.
    I really feel pretty needy and insecure at times in my relationships, but I think that if you're with the right person, that goes away after a while because they make you feel better about yourself and where you two are at.
    I definitely think you should go for it! There's no harm in asking out someone you have a crush if you guys have fun together, and it's great that you're trying to be more outfoing. :D

  17. Ah Nicole...I know what you mean! Reading this really reminds me of the way I was in college. I had to break off an engagement for the same purposes...not really being in love, just being afraid of not finding anyone else who would want to be with a shy and goofy girl like me. It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you step outside your comfort zone and tackle your fears. You are one strong and beautiful lady full of so much life and talent...even if quirky. Nothing to be ashamed of:) Looking so pretty as always dear. I love the blouse & especially those deep cranberry tights.

  18. Not to sound like a total sap, but we are all amazing in our individual ways. I obviously don't know you personally Nicole but you seem like a thoughtful, sensitive, and kind person. AND, you are gorgeous! Any guy would be super lucky to be with you!! :) Also, I'm having a HUGE outfit crush over here -this look is SO pretty, I absolutely love it down to every last detail! xo veronika

  19. you wrote my thoughts. these are my thoughts exactly. even when my last boyfriend and i were dating, neither of us thought we were good enough for the other one. my terrible insecurity plagues everything i do. from the way i walk down the street to when i have to do something in class. and then add anxiety into that. it's ridiculous.
    but then it's weird, that we have blogs and we show our outfits and sometimes write personal things, but i guess i've grown up with internet culture and these things have become so second nature thanks to the oversharing of things like livejournal and facebook for some. i don't know what i'm saying. anyway. i love you.

  20. You have no idea how much better I feel after reading this post!
    I'm currently tossing and turning over the idea of breaking up with my current boyfriend, but the guilt is tearing me up inside and I'm afraid of how lonely I'll be when we do. All of my friends think we're going to get married, so I feel like I have no one to talk to about the whole thing. The worst part is: we're living together in a town where if he wants to move out, he can go back to his parents house for a while and I'll have the hardest time finding an affordable place to live :/

    Ugh. I need to just do it, but I'm so afraid!

  21. You're lovely. Never doubt that! <3

  22. I just had to catch up because I've been bad at reading blogs since classes started last week. I have never actually had a boyfriend (which is a long topic in and of itself) but I know that one thing I am good at is (generally) loving who I am and what I'm like. I'll poke fun, sure, and bring up some of my quirks, but I'm pleased to know that there are things about me that stand out to people--my clothes, my sense of humor, the odd personal anecdotes I seem to be pro at working into conversation. I hope nothing more for you than to be able to be totally comfortable in your own self because I think you'll find the perfect person to be in a relationship with when you're ready to stop holding yourself back. And, as for me, maybe I'll find someone period, XD.

  23. I love reading everything you write and let me say that you just wrote down everything I've been feeling in the last six months. I thought I was "too weird" and I still feel that weird, but I embrace that weirdness. I love being quirky and shy and awkward and all that stuff that make me who I am. Anyway, there IS people out there who would get you. Exhibit A, I found someone who (I think) is a lot weirder that I'll ever be, which I think is super awesome. It took me months, but I wouldn't mind if it had took me years to find him because he's that great. So what I'm trying to say is that I'm happy you got out of something that was benefiting you anymore, because you have to be happy with yourself and that person has to be independent of your life and still be able to get the whole concept of you. Be two individuals, not one :) Does that make sense? I always feel like I write crazy stuff :)

  24. Hi Nicole,
    I actually came upon this post by chance, but I had to comment because I am going through almost the same thing- five months ago (wow, time flies!), I went through a breakup with a long-term boyfriend. It sucked, and it's just now beginning not to suck. I think it's really, really important that you are being introspective about this, and it's great that you have an outlet for your thoughts!
    I had (have?) similar feelings about self-worth (the traits you used to describe yourself are eerily similar to me!), but I'm gradually coming to realize that the weirdness, awkwardness, or whatever you want to call it, makes you unique and a great catch for an awesome, unique, weird/awkward guy! That might mean that you have to wait a bit for this awesome person to come around, but so much the better! Do what you're doing now: write, get to know yourself (as just YOU) again, and eventually you won't think so much about ex-boy or ex-relationship- you'll just be you! Sorry for the long comment, but this post really resonated with me. I wish you the best of luck and soul-searching; I'll be doing the same across the internets!

  25. gosh i love your blog. you are just so well spoken and i feel like you are reading my brain sometimes. i get scared about stuff like this too, it actually stresses me out quite a bit. "In reality, if someone doesn't like the eccentric things that make me who I am, I don't want to be their friend or girlfriend." you are so good and i so needed to hear this! <3 you! (and sorry i am spamming you with comments!)


Thank you so, so much for taking some time to comment on my blog!