Yesterday, my family had a little birthday celebration for my sister. Her birthday was actually back at the end of February, but my family's really into finding any excuse to eat cake. See, it's genetic! I ended up wearing this skirt, which I made with my grandma a while back, and a necklace I made a few days ago, and that cardigan that I hand sewed with Unicorn mane thread (just kidding) (or am I).
It's been really nice having my sister back in town for a few days. As someone who would really like to, someday, have a book of her own published, it's sort of amazing to see this dream being realized for someone so close to me, and seeing her get the recognition/adoring fanbase that she deserves makes me happy to a degree I can't really describe. At the same time, and here's where I sound like a selfish jerk, it worries me. I've been trying to stuff all of these questions and doubts towards the back of my mind all week. What are you doing to get yourself published? You're not trying hard enough. When was the last time YOU accomplished something? As the youngest of two very accomplished, very different siblings, we've all sort of been in competition with each other our whole lives, and I think that's natural. And I think these worries I'm having are natural too, as lame as they make me feel. Instead of sulking, I'm hoping to find some motivation in all of this, but mostly to find, eventually, satisfaction in just being myself, doing things for myself, all for me, and not for any one else's approval. Rather than trying to surpass someone else, or trying to please someone else, I just want to find my own path to whatever's out there for me That's not to say I don't want the people I love to be proud of me, rooting me on. Because I so badly want that, too. But as I've said in many posts before this one, I want to be proud of myself for what I've accomplished.
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
You have accomplished:
ReplyDelete(1) This blog.
(2) Walking away from a relationship because you were strong enough to realize that you needed to be there for yourself and to remove yourself from that situation.
(3) Becoming better at loving yourself.
Don't underestimate those things, missy. The creativity and passion has to come from somewhere but you have to take care of yourself, first. <3
Love this blue on blue action going on here :)
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling the same way recently. Both my brother and I applied to schools last Fall. He wants to transfer to a better school and I'm awaiting news from graduate schools. He has gotten into 2 so far and it just makes me so antsy and anxious about my own future. A lot of my other friends have heard good news from schools or jobs or other things too. But I just keep trying to remind myself that you can only live your life the best way you can/know how. My job just reminds me that I love what I'm doing and that teaching is what I'm meant to do--whether I get accepted this year or not. So you--my lovely, smart and cute friend--will be just fine<3
You look so cute, Nicole! I love how you paired your amazing skirt with those tights, they look perfect together.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for your sister! Having your book published is such a gorgeous feeling. On the other hand, I can understand 100% what you think and feel. But I agree with Sarah here- you have accomplished so many important things for yourself with this blog (and also without this blog of course), you've grown so much and you have to be proud of yourself.
Life is a romantic poem
I love your blouse and necklace. You look so sweet! :) And I think everyone has worries that they aren't accomplishing what they could. I know I do!
ReplyDeletexx