Yesterday, my family had a little birthday celebration for my sister. Her birthday was actually back at the end of February, but my family's really into finding any excuse to eat cake. See, it's genetic! I ended up wearing this skirt, which I made with my grandma a while back, and a necklace I made a few days ago, and that cardigan that I hand sewed with Unicorn mane thread (just kidding) (or am I).
It's been really nice having my sister back in town for a few days. As someone who would really like to, someday, have a book of her own published, it's sort of amazing to see this dream being realized for someone so close to me, and seeing her get the recognition/adoring fanbase that she deserves makes me happy to a degree I can't really describe. At the same time, and here's where I sound like a selfish jerk, it worries me. I've been trying to stuff all of these questions and doubts towards the back of my mind all week. What are you doing to get yourself published? You're not trying hard enough. When was the last time YOU accomplished something? As the youngest of two very accomplished, very different siblings, we've all sort of been in competition with each other our whole lives, and I think that's natural. And I think these worries I'm having are natural too, as lame as they make me feel. Instead of sulking, I'm hoping to find some motivation in all of this, but mostly to find, eventually, satisfaction in just being myself, doing things for myself, all for me, and not for any one else's approval. Rather than trying to surpass someone else, or trying to please someone else, I just want to find my own path to whatever's out there for me That's not to say I don't want the people I love to be proud of me, rooting me on. Because I so badly want that, too. But as I've said in many posts before this one, I want to be proud of myself for what I've accomplished.
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
