Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Wine Blue Water

feb 21

Do you ever have those days where, out of nowhere, you begin to wonder what would happen if you had made different choices at all the biggest junctions in your life so far? It hit me something fierce this morning in english class, and let me tell you, english class is not a place for crisis. English class is a place for awesome and pretentious intellectual discussion on Dante's Divine Comedy, not internal conflict. I found myself wondering what kind of lady I would be if I had gone away to college, if I had stuck with my first or second brief internships instead of getting the cool job I have now. Then it morphed into, would I have more friends? Would I have stayed with my ex for so long? Would I have gone abroad? Would I be stronger than I am now?

And it was at this point where I wanted to dramatically yell stop! (inside my head, of course). These are the questions that bum you out and get you nowhere, because the answers just don't matter. Not one bit. I am who I am in this moment, partly as a result of choices I've made, and what I've got is a wide open future that I can still mold and tweak and explore. And no matter what I do, whether in five years I'm a circus magician, published poet, or street urchen, these questions will pop up. The problem, I think, is that this weekend I found myself in the middle of a conversation about my future. I've got a job I love for multiple reasons, but multiple parties were telling me that I need to get an internship, something more career focused. And as I've said, I've been quite stressed lately, and this news flash was hardly welcome. So I suppose, today, with everyone so concerned about my future, I found myself troubled by my past. Sure, these questions are important and, dare I say need to be asked, but for now, after a long day, I'm quite content to muddle through this present, with a cup of coffee and a good book, making the best now that I can for myself.

This dress is a fun little dress that makes me feel like a scuba diving speed skater. It also makes me hyper-aware of the, uh, plentiful nature of my chest. Some might say that's a plus or something.

Dress: Asos, Shoes: Dolce Vita via Marshall's

feb 21 2

feb 21 1

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feb 21 3

Until tomorrow,


  1. You look so gorgeous in this dress! It really is a perfect fit!
    I myself sometimes ask the same questions, but in the end it doesn't matter because I'm happy right now where I want to be!



  2. This dress is so pretty! It looks amazing on you!

    I have lots of "what if" moments. I don't know if it really helps, but I'm pretty sure everyone goes through it. Misery loves company or something?

  3. What ifs are so dangerous!! But looks like you have a good attitude. :) That dress is hella flattering, btw.

  4. That is such a lovely dress on you-- it fits you right errywhere! It was MADE FOR YOUU my sweet dumpling. I really like the stitching on it. It kind of just looks awesome by itself, too, which is super nice. :D

    There's a reason you made the choices you did and that's why you're you! And so you're right, there is no point on looking back, 'cause if you were meant to be different then you would have done something about it. :D

  5. That dress is gorgeous and I love it. The color rocks my socks, by the way. (: In fact, this entire outfit is pretty much a win!

    As for your self-doubt, I think it's way more constructive to look at yourself, reflect, and make a plan to achieve what you want to be now, regardless of that what-ifs that crop up along the way. I could absolutely be a totally different person now, but I've got some kickass things going for me at this moment. (:

  6. i'd like you to take some of the plentiful nature of your cups, and put them onto mine. because they feel lacking.

    also. yes. yes. it's never fun to have people telling you what you should do. especially with your life. IT IS YOUR LIFE. i used to be a notorious dweller of the past, and i've been trying to just focus on the ~present~ also known as OMG WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO THIS WEEK TO PASS.

  7. Love the dress. You look fantastic.
    I think we all get those moments of serious self doubt, it can be hard to push them out but I find it helps to focus on all of the things that I love about my life RIGHT NOW. And think of all the wonderful memories I have that I would have missed out on if I'd done something else.

  8. :D !!!! i love this dress on you. totally. i think the color is great, and you look beautiful in it. flaunt what you got! and its not even in a cleavage, completely out there sort of way.
    and i really want to commend you for all your honesty. i feel as though i'm actually reading your intimate thoughts, fears, and hopes. thank you for being so open; it reassures me that i'm not alone in feeling lost or confused or pensive about life's little things. i'm an avid reader of your blog, so keep it up, both here on the internet, and in your own life :)

  9. Ahh! Catching up on blogs today! Sorry I haven't been commenting!! :(

    For some reason this dress makes me think of a scuba suit too! In a good way of course! Haha. I have a lot of what ifs going through my mind for my future decisions, which are coming up quickly now... eeps.

  10. I'm often plagued with daunting life questions when I'm trying to fall asleep at night. Some people make lists in their heads - I cry about things that never happened. haha
    I think 'what-if' moments are just a part of life and we have to work to get past them. I can usually snap out of it when I remember what I DO have and what I'm blessed to be doing.

    Your description of this dress made me laugh. I see the scuba diver part by the sleeve area. What a random dress design! But it's very lady like and I loooove the color. Such a beautiful blue!


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