Wednesday, September 12, 2012

One Line Wonder

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The phrase "What have you got to lose?" is one of my least favorite things that people tell me. This is not because it's a bad concept. It is an excellent concept, but one that I am terrible implementing. So, when someone says to me "Well, what have you got to lose?" my general response is "I DON'T KNOW. EVERYTHING. GO AWAY." and then I proceed to eat a piece of/ an entire carrot cake in bed (if you follow me on anything, there is photographic proof that I actually do this, btw). While feeling as busy as ever, with school starting and work continuing, I've been spending an awful lot of time thinking about all of the things I don't do. Over the summer, in a moment of uncharacteristic brazenness, I (sort of) gave a boy my number, and it panned out in a wonderful way. What did I have to lose? True as ever, except I actually acted on that logic instead of running away from it. Now, I sit in my classes, thoughtful but equally bashful, too timid to share my opinion because I'm afraid people will judge me and think I'm stupid. "What have you got to lose, though?" I run into a guy on campus that's got good hair and a smile that implies that he's not condescending, but I'm too shy to even smirk at him. "But what have you got to lose?"

The thing about "what have you got to lose?" situations is that almost always you can only gain something. But it's that hurdle, that fear of "but maybe I can lose something" that keeps me back. I feel a bit like I'm living less of a life than I want to. Sure, I've been mucking around in daydreams about "the future" and living somewhere new and getting a new job and meeting a lovely guy. These are all things that I can't simply make happen right now, but there also not what I'm talking about when I say I don't feel like I'm completely living in my own life. I hold myself back a lot. I label myself "the shy girl" and hope people will catch on and leave me be. But lately, I'm growing frustrated. It's a weird thing, by the way, to just be frustrated with yourself. It barely makes sense. I want to speak up once in a while in class, and share the tiniest smile, and stand up for myself, and feel like I deserve to completely participate in the world. It's not going to be easy for me, which is probably why I'm still in this place, but more than ever, I'm feeling like this step, while nauseating and gross, is more necessary than it's ever been for me to just take.

Oh, right, and what I'm wearing. I really want to wear more loose, classic, easy outfits this fall, so I suppose that's what I'm trying to do here. My hair is wrapped in a floral band because it is oh man, so greasy.

top: gap, skirt: urban outfitters (old), sandals: wanted, bag: elanor!

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

12 comments:

  1. GURL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?!?!?!?!

    sorry i just thought maybe you wanted to hear it one more time.
    we've been talking about all this quite frequently, so all i can say now is just a repeat of what i've been saying, plus, of course, you should come live over by me. :)

    i love this loose outfit! i too wanna try to dress more easy going (we'll see how well that works out for me)

    xoxoxo

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  2. You're very right about the saying. I agree. I have always been a bold person, so I guess to me I either try something, or I don't. Sometimes the saying applies and sometimes you're right, it is EVERYTHING that you have to lose. I mean if some guy told me that he'd give me a few hundred dollars if I stripped naked and ran around. . .I'd lose my sense of modesty for the concept of greed, while most people would think I am losing a few hundred dollars and that it is worth exposing myself for. Yeah, I don't think so. When it came to approaching guys though, I was always thinking, "They'll either like me or not. I'd rather take the chance of letting them know I exist." That's pretty much how I won over my husband. If I didn't let him know flat out that I wanted to date someone who was willing to marry me, I would have lost that chance of actually having him interested in the offer! bwahaha. Not many teenage boys would be up for that! So yeah, that's why the concept of that saying can be various from situation to situation! I love your outfit by the way, Go talk to the guy with the nice hair.

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  3. AWE my dearest Nicole, you've gotta get over the shyness! It's hard, and I know that, because I totally have the shyness bug, too, but just every now and then do something BRAVE! BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU HAE TO LOSE?!?!?11 really nothing, actually yeah, you have nothing to lose. Someone will think you're cool for speaking up, or something. Baby steps! Start slow, and work your way up! Even if you're just saying a little something, or trying something barely new, it's still sooomething, right?!

    wow I sound like a preacher, my apologies, but really you just have to start and it will get easier. And I can totally try to be more brave with you and WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER <3 we're ALL IN THIS TOGETHER~~~**cue high school musicalll**~~~
    anyWAY your outfit is adorable and I love that sweater against your green forest-y skirt. You should wear that sweater lots 'cause I totally have one similar to it and could thus steal your outfits. YEAH <3

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  4. Don't worry Nicole, I totally understand how you feel because I've been in that exact predicament for years. Logically we really don't have anything to lose but by putting ourselves out there, we simply feel vulnerable and judged and I think it's just that we're afraid of judgment. So by asking ourselves, "What do we have to lose?" we are giving our shy selves a chance to step out of the box and into the spotlight. I get frustrated with myself and my shyness too, I know of so many circumstances where I've been held back simply because of my timidity. But know that you're not alone Nicole, and I think as we get older we sort of realize that holding ourselves back is not getting us what we want, and there should come a time where we're like, "Screw it, I'm gonna go out there and get what I want in life!"

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  5. Totally with you on that. I overanalyze everything and rarely take chances. I'm one of those people who won't do something unless she has done all the research on how to do it so she won't look stupid trying it the first time. The fear of messing me up always holds me back! I wish I could be more brave!

    Also, I almost bought the exact same sweater last weekend. I'm considering going back to get it because it's made of a great material and has stripes. Who am I kidding? I'm totally getting it. Haha

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  6. hey cutie cute stuff. i totes know how you feel. but first. i love this outfit. easy breezy beautiful cover girl. ;)
    but also, my bestie from CT is moving to CA within the next 5 months. we are both taking risks (me moving again, her moving here, us driving 3,000 miles together). and i used to think a lot about the things i didn't do. but now i realize that i didn't do them for a reason. but more things are happening and i'm trying new things now. hey, it might be late, but better late than never. eventually i'll do everything i want. but dwelling on it only made it worse. you'll do all that you want and more, the first part is realizing that you want to change things. then the next part (my favorite) is making lists to make it all happen. you go girl.

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  7. i like this post. i've always been "the shy girl" and i know how you feel, and that inner dilemma. i also like this outfit. you're such a cutie. i'm rooting for you nicole! Xx

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  8. Seeing this makes we want to wear darker, more subdued colors - I am such a brighty bright girl - but I am quite smitten with this look right now. I hear what you're saying Nicole...I am the shy kind too and plagued with a mind that analyzes everything over and over till I'm nearly blue in the face. The thing is though that eventually you do learn to get past the silly little self inflicted notions that hold you back. You'll get there Nicole - cheering you along :) xo Marisa

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  9. Jasmine, Transient WithdrawalSeptember 14, 2012 at 1:35 AM

    Nicole. You always manage to more eloquently put into words what I'm feeling. Always. My fear of success is definitely something I still struggle with. That's pretty much why I never really give anything 100% of me--so that I can always have an excuse to fall back on if/when I do fail (ie. oh I didn't try all that hard that's why it didn't work). You see, failure is kind of comfortable because there's isn't much expectation there. I too hate it when people tell me that I have nothing to lose in trying something new, because to me, I could be losing everything--especially comfort and certainty, which are so important to me. But starting student teaching last week has just given me this whole new perspective. I mean we are pushing our students to reach for and embrace success, and here I am...constantly running away from it. It's ridiculous!


    PS. You have the best outfits ever all the time<3

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  10. i feel the same way about 'everything happens for a reason.' that phrase makes me want to climb into bed and eat a piece of carrot cake. there is always something to lose! and i love this outfit, by the way, i had similar sandals but they looked awful on me - they are so cute on you i'm jealous


    <3 katherine
    of corgis and cocktails

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  11. Oh yes, I so empathize with you on this one. At some point during the transition from high school to college I became overwhelmingly self-conscious. This completely messed with my head throughout college, and in no doubt was responsible for the depressingly small number of friends I made. I tried to tell myself the same - what do you have to lose? But I was so terrified of putting myself out there and being rejected that it felt like I had a lot to lose. Even now, many years later, I'm better at going outside of my comfort zone, but I'm surely not brave. This sounds awful, but I'm almost at peace with being a safe person. I don't think I'll ever be able to boldly dive head-first into those scary "what can you lose?" situations, and instead of berating myself for it I've just accepted it. Or given up. Let's go with acceptance, that sounds much better, yeah?


    In other news, your bag and you totally match and it is awwwwwwesome!

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  12. I think we are one in the same in terms of shyness! I've been part of many groups over the years and when it came my turn in the circle to say something, I would just back down because I didn't think what I had to say was valid or I thought it would come out all dumb sounding.
    I think if anything, I missed out on chances for people to hear what I have to say. I know I always enjoy hearing what others have to say about certain things, so it would make sense if others want to know more from me, right?!
    I guess it comes down to "what have you got to lose" and I always imagine the worst situations. I am so my worst enemy!

    Well, despite the fact that this is your greasy-hair-day-look, I think it's really cute! I have the hardest time getting scarves/headbands to stay in my hair. I'm so jealous of you pulling it off so effortlessly!

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Thank you so, so much for taking some time to comment on my blog!