I spent yesterday afternoon with my good pal Kerri (who some of you internet folk may know) at a rehearsal of a John and Hank Green show, that also included a guest performance by Kimya Dawson (I know, I know). Before hand, though, we decided to grab some lunch at whole foods. Amidst fawning over Thorin, Fili and Kili, discussing a mutual distaste for loud chewing and our inabilities to sleep at night, and more fawning over Thorin, Fili and Kili, we stumbled onto the topic of my writing. Or, rather, she just asked me about. I mentioned in my last post that I was trying to write a sonnet sequence, so I started to tell her about it, too. As I was talking, though, I kind of rambled my way into a fear-laden rant about whether or not anything I do creatively "matters." "Does anyone even CARE if I'm writing a heartfelt sonnet about a lobster? Am I ADDING anything meaningful to the world of poetry?" I was about ready to dramatically throw my prosciutto panini at the loudly chewing man behind us (ya'll know I'd never actually do that, I love food too much to just waste it like that) when she was like, "GURL." And I was like, "I am bereft." But then she was subsequently like, "Of course it matters. Are you just not going to make a movie because someone else in the world's made a movie? NO. You are going to put your spin on an idea, and that matters."
I think she's right. Well, CORRECTION. I know she's right, I just fully haven't convinced my naggy little neurosis gremlins that my work matters. But it does. One of my favorite things about literature is its ability to remind me that the human experience transcends time or culture. Homer was writing about longing and love way back in ancient Greece. Lord Byron was writing about wanting to bang all the fine-ass ladies of the 1800's. Emily Dickinson struggled with the themes of death and anxiety long before I did. So, why should I not write love poems, or any other sort of poem, just because people have been doing it forever? Why should I not write for the exact reason that I love writing and reading so much? I think that being passionate about something, whether it's a person, a dwarf, or a creative outlet, requires vulnerability. There's something about writing that makes me so scared, and so uncertain, and so fearful that I'm doing it wrong, or that I'm not "worthy" of being a writer, like I'm doing an injustice to Homer, Lord Byron, and Emily Dickinson if I even try to write a sonnet. And it's because I care so much that I know I have to keep going.
This tale is from yesterday, but these photos are from today. I've been wearing these jeans pretty much non-stop, and this back-pack was a Christmas present I'm very excited to use. I just feel like a cool prep-school punk in this outfit, and I really like it.
Oh, and by the way, you may have noticed a new link in my sidebar. Catch a Tiger By the Toe is my 365 poetry project, that I started to keep me on my toes about this sonnet sequence. I try to write at least one line a day. Follow along if you like.
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
