I've been thinking a lot lately about ability, and capability. Every now and then I like to regroup and "praise the baby step," a phrase I just coined about 20 seconds ago. Over the summer, I took a lot of big giant ogre steps. Plane rides, train rides, asking my brother in law to give a cute boy my number for me (okay, okay, that last step could have been bigger but WHATEVER). Then autumn hits. And don't get me wrong, autumn is my most favorite, but school started, work got more hectic, and I started having more responsibilities than I could shake a stick at. A STICK. So, not a lot of room for ogre steps. No big trips by myself. No courting Disney boys. No making my brother-in-law court Disney boys for me.
I have been doing more moping than I would like to admit, so I won't admit it (it's been a sizable amount of moping, btw), over my "lack of progress," or lack of pushing myself, or lack of kicking butts, or lack of kicking my own butt, though that last one is physically difficult so I will cut myself some slack there. So now, when I sat myself down to write this post (I'm actually laying down, but the phrase "lay myself down" sounded a little more seductive than I wanted it to, honestly) and felt a gnarly little whine creeping from my fingertips, I thought, "WELL, HEY. LET'S PRAISE THE BABY STEP."
The baby step doesn't get much credit, though when babies take first steps everyone absolutely flips their hypothetical lids. When we pseudo-adults take baby steps though, no one's impressed, and because no one's impressed, we don't feel that encouraged, or good about our achievement, no matter how baby-steppy or ogre-steppy it is. Today I just ASKED where something was in Joanne's instead of wandering around like a dumb, nervous ninnie. Last week, I went into a coffee shop I'd never been to by myself. At work today, I wrote well, and felt good about what I had written. Last week, I made the decision to look for spring internships to try and get myself out of the comfortable, albeit sort of simultaneously uncomfortably goopy, work rut I've fallen into. Tonight I admitted to a friend that a guy was not worth my time, because he was not acting like I was worth his, as much as it almost physically pained me to do so. I am friggin' teaching a group of high school kids who don't seem to think I am as lame as they think their parents are. I finally wrote a poem without a clear narrative. Last week I hemmed a dress, and wore the heck out of it the next day (and it didn't even rip). PRAISE THE BABY STEP. I want you all to praise your baby steps, because it's easy to forget that, when we're not leaping over pits of failures and self-deprecation, that we are still always making progress. So I will move these sometimes baby, sometimes ogre, feet, and feel proud of it, because I deserve to, and you deserve to, too.
A note about my clothes. I am wearing a bear sweater; it is my favorite. I am also wearing a very short skirt. Today I dropped something off of my desk and there was a near bottom flashing incident, but I played it cool, and probably didn't flash my young man coworker. Probably.
Until tomorrow,
Nicole
Thank you for that reminder to remember the little things and celebrate any step in the right direction! It's easy to get discouraged. You are so brave!
ReplyDeletePs - I love the bear sweater too : ) It's still too warm here in Philly to do much sweater wearing ... I can't wait until it warms up!
I just started wheeze-laughing at "lay myself down."
ReplyDeleteI also love the idea of praising the baby step. You are really wonderful.
As is your sweater.
Hahaha love that phrase, "praise the baby step", because honestly people do expect big steps from people. But we need those baby steps, because although they may not appeal to others they definitely make a personal change to oneself and how one feels. As long as you are making progress, it's totally okay! Eventually those baby steps will add up to big changes and before you know it, you're back to ogre steps :)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, that sweater: SO CUTE. Looks so autumnal with the skirt too!
I definitely need to remember this! I'm really good at being productive when the weather is nice, and I get a decent ammount of daylight, but since the end of September I've just had no drive at all to take on big projects. I need to remember that a little bit of progress is way better than no progress at all.
ReplyDeleteI love this outfit too, you look gorgeous! The plaid skirt is lovely, and your jumper looks so cosy! xo
I always feel like we are on the same page. I think the key is consistency. Constantly take baby steps and take them for yourself, without outside influence.
ReplyDeletePraise the baby step! Love that saying! It's going to be the next "that's what she said!" I don't think we always have to take big ogre steps towards progress because I don't think constant big changes are good, but I truly really love how self-aware you are and how much you're always striving to become a better person. Truly, I do! The little steps are just as important as the big steps, and I'm seriously so proud of you Nicole! You are just so amazing and inspirational, and I'm just so lucky to know you! <3
ReplyDeleteAnd I think your guy coworker would be lucky if you were to have flashed him ;) This is the cutest outfit I've seen this Fall so far!
Oh my god, relatable post is relatable. Just the other week, I ate a restaurant. BY MYSELF. And now I find myself doing it tons more. It's so weird. By myself. Doing things. Without someone else. Baby... steps... haha.
ReplyDeleteI adore you.
Your posts make me feel much less alone, and for that, I adore you I adore you I adore you. You are not alone (even though you may be doing things alone, like asking a lady in Joanne's a question). Keep it up. I'm impressed by your baby steps because I know how hard they are. They ARE hard. Big steps, they really are. :)
Anyway, your sweater is so super cute and and I love it with the plaid skirt.
I completely agree that when adults make those small steps, they don't get much credit. I feel like that's because people are assuming them to make those steps, so they aren't appreciated as much. I don't know, but what I do know is that you should feel proud of yourself for the baby steps! I feel like I should mark down my baby steps as well, and remember to feel proud of myself for those things. Everyone should!
ReplyDeleteIf bears are the best, then your bear sweater is the best. Bears are the best. So, your bear sweater is the best. (subconclusion).... So, YOU are the best. (conclusion)
I just did some logic for you. You're welcome. ;) It may or may not be sound but IDGAF
<3
xxx