Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Blue Raft on The Blue Sea

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My first inclination in writing this post was to do one of those cheesy "long time, no see"/"hey, remember me? I USED TO BLOG" opening jokes, but you people are better than that so I won't. Instead, I've decided to JUMP AT YOU GUYS.

I'm going to be honest here (surprise, surprise), and say that I haven't been feeling completely up to snuff this semester, or, more specifically, completely like myself, whatever that means. Since summer ended, I haven't felt in control of my life in the way I would like to. And I mean, obviously we're all only "in control" of our lives to a certain extent, but let me try to explain. I've been busier in the past few months than I've ever been in my life. I've been working more, teaching a class on the weekends, internship searching, and trying to, like, "enjoy" my senior year of college while trying to do my best to keep my grades up to my own standards (and, let's be honest, "enjoying college" for me is really just like, being able to keep my grades up to my own standards). But since September, I've been feeling increasingly like I'm on a treadmill, and someone's raising the speed at an absurd rate, and instead of being able to keep up, it's like I'm in a cartoon, and I just got sucked up into the machine and am just stuck in the treadmill going at hyper-speed but not even being able to get up, let alone run. Got all that? Okay, cool.

It's been scary, to be honest. It feels an awful lot like one particular part of my life has absorbed the rest of it. I've been really bad at making time for things I care about - friends, blogging, writing for kicks. By the time I come home from work, I have school work to do, or, if it's been a particularly rough day, I'll go do something mindless like scroll through tumblr reblogging cats in bow ties until I pass out.

Two weeks ago, I had my first Friday off in a very long time. I woke up guiltlessly late, and spent all morning working intently and thoughtfully on an Emily Dickinson paper, sipping coffee, criminal minds on very low volume in the background. I went to the track and jogged a very chilly mile as the sun started to dip below the tallest buildings. I got dinner (and a very large piece of tiramisu) with a very good friend, came home, and fell asleep watching more criminal minds. That entire day, I kept thinking about how happy I was, how my head was finally above water (or that I had finally unwound myself from the treadmill? Are we continuing on with that metaphor?) and how I felt in control of my life again, if only for that day. I've been trying to channel that day to get me through the coming weeks of the supreme grossness that is the end of a semester. Life is a lot of flux, a lot of things coming and going, but currently, I feel like I'm on some especially shakey ground. It's exciting too, though, you know? That excitement of like, standing on a precarious beam while walking across a river, where you could fall, and that's terrifying, but there's also something exhilarating about not knowing exactly what comes next, or how wet your pant legs will be by the time you get there. Right? Okay, good.

This outfit required me to learn how to tie a bow tie, so I did. I think it makes me look like a wacky old english professor, which is the look I'm generally going for. Also, almost everything I'm wearing is from Uniqlo, which, as a store, freaks me out, but while in the city last week, I braved it for the flannel. Alternate post title: I Did It All for the Flannel.

Top, skirt: Uniqlo, Shoes: Vintage

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

8 comments:

  1. Better to be on the treadmill than falling off it, Miss Nicole. It sure does sound like you're busy, but I think college and life and everything is supposed to keep you busy... it could be worse, you know? But you hang in there! Keep on runnin'!! (I'm totally going with you on this metaphor because it's great :))


    Your flannel shirt is cuuute. And your shoes match your skirt which is so nice~ you're just so matchy matchy in general! At least you can control your outfits, hehehee :)

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  2. You are just a really good writer that's all I have to say about this post.

    Also that I super admire you for doing so many things at once, even if it does turn you into a cartoon character on a treadmill. That's a lot to take on and you are a badass for doing it. Keep on truckin.

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  3. Love this outfit! Shades + skirt are perfection! Cute jump photo :) Good luck with life balancing, don't forget to breathe!

    <3 Meg
    http://kiddotv.blogspot.com

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  4. I understand how you feel about not having control of your life. Maybe it's just this time in your life - I definitely felt that way sometime in college.


    But it's good to see an outfit post from you again! And I ADORE that wall!

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  5. I love this outfit - I also braved Uniqlo for the first time recently (in SF) and while I hated the inside of the store, they have some nice things.

    I know exactly the feeling you're talking about - feeling out of control, like everything is too fast, like you can't get a foothold. It went on like that for me for months and it was making me so anxious and crazy. But I have also come to realize that I think the only thing we can do is try to channel a time that didn't feel like that and try to recreate it, or at least realize that it's possible. Eventually the other external factors will calm down or disappear and we'll feel like ourselves again.

    Cheers,
    Rachel
    objectslog.blogspot.com

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  6. I love Uni qlo. There aren't many round here and they are never that busy. I think there quality is the best and your skirt is a great shape. Also sounds like you are doing a good job of balancing, plus busy people are meant to be the happinest people!

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  7. awesome post. I think we all feel that way at some point, I know I have. you look great at least haha. I gotta learn how to tie a bow tie.

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Thank you so, so much for taking some time to comment on my blog!