A Blue Raft on The Blue Sea

My first inclination in writing this post was to do one of those cheesy "long time, no see"/"hey, remember me? I USED TO BLOG" opening jokes, but you people are better than that so I won't. Instead, I've decided to JUMP AT YOU GUYS.

I'm going to be honest here (surprise, surprise), and say that I haven't been feeling completely up to snuff this semester, or, more specifically, completely like myself, whatever that means. Since summer ended, I haven't felt in control of my life in the way I would like to. And I mean, obviously we're all only "in control" of our lives to a certain extent, but let me try to explain. I've been busier in the past few months than I've ever been in my life. I've been working more, teaching a class on the weekends, internship searching, and trying to, like, "enjoy" my senior year of college while trying to do my best to keep my grades up to my own standards (and, let's be honest, "enjoying college" for me is really just like, being able to keep my grades up to my own standards). But since September, I've been feeling increasingly like I'm on a treadmill, and someone's raising the speed at an absurd rate, and instead of being able to keep up, it's like I'm in a cartoon, and I just got sucked up into the machine and am just stuck in the treadmill going at hyper-speed but not even being able to get up, let alone run. Got all that? Okay, cool.

It's been scary, to be honest. It feels an awful lot like one particular part of my life has absorbed the rest of it. I've been really bad at making time for things I care about - friends, blogging, writing for kicks. By the time I come home from work, I have school work to do, or, if it's been a particularly rough day, I'll go do something mindless like scroll through tumblr reblogging cats in bow ties until I pass out.

Two weeks ago, I had my first Friday off in a very long time. I woke up guiltlessly late, and spent all morning working intently and thoughtfully on an Emily Dickinson paper, sipping coffee, criminal minds on very low volume in the background. I went to the track and jogged a very chilly mile as the sun started to dip below the tallest buildings. I got dinner (and a very large piece of tiramisu) with a very good friend, came home, and fell asleep watching more criminal minds. That entire day, I kept thinking about how happy I was, how my head was finally above water (or that I had finally unwound myself from the treadmill? Are we continuing on with that metaphor?) and how I felt in control of my life again, if only for that day. I've been trying to channel that day to get me through the coming weeks of the supreme grossness that is the end of a semester. Life is a lot of flux, a lot of things coming and going, but currently, I feel like I'm on some especially shakey ground. It's exciting too, though, you know? That excitement of like, standing on a precarious beam while walking across a river, where you could fall, and that's terrifying, but there's also something exhilarating about not knowing exactly what comes next, or how wet your pant legs will be by the time you get there. Right? Okay, good.

This outfit required me to learn how to tie a bow tie, so I did. I think it makes me look like a wacky old english professor, which is the look I'm generally going for. Also, almost everything I'm wearing is from Uniqlo, which, as a store, freaks me out, but while in the city last week, I braved it for the flannel. Alternate post title: I Did It All for the Flannel.

Top, skirt: Uniqlo, Shoes: Vintage


















Until tomorrow,
Nicole