Personal Day

So, I wrote up this post last night, with the intention of posting it with pictures today. But since I was snowbound/had a phone interview, I pretty much just stood inside in not the most flattering get up. This post was important to me, and it was the sort of thing that I wanted out there, and then to put behind me to move forward. So, instead of waiting until tomorrow's photos, I figured I'd just put this here, now, with a silly/ unflattering photobooth picture of Zak and I from a few weeks ago. Hey, I figured you deserved something for putting up with all my emotional baggage. This week's been a thoughtful one, and it's rewarding, I think. So, thanks for bearing with me, friends.


So, I try to keep things up in this here blog light and fashion related most of the time. Lately, though, there have been things nagging me that I need to get out. Writing has always been my way of clearing my mind, sorting things out, and since I haven't felt the urge to write poetry lately, I'm turning to this blog. Last night was so incredibly frustrating. I haven't thought about school for weeks. Last night, I received my evaluation (basically, my grade) from my philosophy teacher. I was expecting bad things, but to see that things were as bad as I hoped they weren't...was kind of horrible. My papers ranged from "good" then to "bad" then to "not much more than okay". I cried, like a baby. I've never had trouble with school, except for math in high school. I put so much effort into getting better at philosophy last semester, but none of it paid off. And when I realized I signed up for a second semester of this, I broke a little. I let it break me.

I always let things break me. I let little things, like a bad grade, break me down into a puddle of self-pity. When one small thing goes wrong, I equate it to my whole self being wrong. This is one of the things I genuinely dislike about myself. I've gotten into arguments with Zak about it. I always expect him to pick me up, but as he always says, I need to meet him halfway. But I don't. When he's dealing with chronic stomach pain, a cyst, and insomnia, and manages to stay as strong as ever, I break over one teacher's thoughts on my work. Last night was one of the first times that I got myself out of it. After letting myself cry for about a minute, and then getting angry and complaining to the nearest ear I could find, I shut up and worked out. I worked out hard, and felt good. I deleted the self-pitying tumblr post and stopped myself from sinking. Back to that tumblr post for a moment. I had written something like, After a scathing evaluation from my philosophy teacher I realize that my goal for 2011 has to be to simply be better. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. In 2011 I do want to be better, and I want to make that my goal. BUT, I don't want to be better because someone made me feel better. I don't want to make resolutions based on the opinions of one professor. I want to be better this year. I want to be a better girlfriend to Zak, a better friend, a better student OVERALL, a better worker, a better leader. These are goals to have. And while I started the night feeling as though I had been hit in the face, I ended the night taking a step forward, taking the first step in fulfilling my goal.


Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Lazy Days

Hello there! So I just wanted to start off by saying that you are all the best, and I mean that. Thank you for all of your supportive comments on my last post, and for sharing your own stories. You are seriously so wonderful. I decided on a less intense workout routine - wii fit one day, 30 day shred the next day most of the time - because I want to feel good, not because I want to lose weight. This plan seems to be working on making me feel fit and happy, so I'm going to try and stick with it.


Today has been quite lazy. I wore this out only to the store to get ingredients for a potato leek soup I'm going to try tonight. When Zak and I were in Cape Cod a few months ago, we went to this little pub-like restaurant, and he got this AMAZING potato leek soup with his meal. Needless to say I forced him to share he lovingly let me have some, and we've both been really wanting to have it again ever since! Unfortunately, Cape Cod is a bit of a trek, so I'm going to try my hand at making some of my own tonight. I figured I would try tonight since we are expecting another foot of snow coming in, and something about being snowed in just makes me want to cook and bake!

Top, skirt, boots: Urban Outfitters
Tights: Generic
Necklace: Gift
Belt: Target





Until tomorrow,
Nicole

I Could Travel Just By Folding A Map

So,I figure I should provide a "heads up" for this post. While most of this blog is devoted to what I wear and why, it's really predominantly about what I'm feeling and what I'm up to. This whole week, the topic of body image has been hovering over my head and impacting my life. As many of you know, I've been on weight watchers for over a year now and have lost almost 35 pounds. Right before Christmas, when they switched "points" to "points plus," I lost almost 5 pounds after not losing for a couple of months. Then, the holidays hit. I told myself that I was going to eat, because I was with my family, having a good time, and I didn't want to worry. I gained almost all of the weight back in the matter of a week, and was afraid that it would never come off.

I don't know why exactly, maybe the new year or something, but I decided to throw myself into exercise to lose more weight. I picked the most intense work out I could find, Jillian Michaels' Thirty Day Shred, and vowed to do it everyday no matter what. Would you believe me if I said that the first day was the easiest? With every day I worked out I pushed my body harder and harder, and kept feeling worse and worse. But in my head, I just needed to lose that weight. With the help my incredibly caring boyfriend, I realized that this was too much. I realized that being healthy and feeling good are the things I need to be concerned about. I certainly wasn't feeling healthy on day four when I almost fainted, and I wasn't feeling good on day five when I almost threw up. I know that I need to be less concerned with a number and more concerned with how my body is feeling. My body didn't feel different when I gained a few pounds back. It was just that nagging number that was upsetting me. I just need to focus on how far I come, and how happy I am and want to be. This is easier said than done. The new year has got me thinking about a lot of things. A lot of goals, changes, dreams. But they're all fueled by the common thread of happiness, and that's the key that I need to remember.

I decided to pair this dress with this post because it's one of those dresses that I got, loved, but shoved into the back of my closet. I told myself I wouldn't wear it until I lost x amount of pounds. This is my meager attempt at saying "screw you" to the number on the scale. I love this dress, and there's no reason for me to wait to wear it.

Dress: Modcloth
Tights: Hue
Shoes: Ruche
Hat: Modcloth
Necklace: Gift





Until Tomorrow,
Nicole

The Other, Gold

Hello there! So, today I attended an alumnae brunch at my high school. I've talked about it before on my blog, but I was very attached to my high school experience and the teachers I met there. So, it was nice to go back and reminisce, and make some new memories as well. I got to see some of my truly best friends, and we roamed the ol' hallways, skipping, spilling coffee, and being happy and silly. I saw some of my most favorite teachers and had a good time talking and laughing with them as well. Afterwards, my friends and I went outside to take pictures in the snow! My high school has a really BEAUTIFUL campus, which I dearly miss even though my college campus is equally lovely, so we took advantage of it to snap some fun snow pictures.







As you can see, we're really good at self-times jumping shots.

Hope you all have lovely weekends!
Nicole

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

Hello there! So, the interview that I was stressing all week about ended up not happening. I got an email late last night informing me that it had been canceled. I have to say, I was quite bummed out. This interview made me feel like I would finally be headed in the direction of a career. It felt a lot like a first step I was just about to take. I really do want the internship, so I'm working on rescheduling an interview, and I'm really hoping it works out!

So, I was going to do a whole "what I would have worn" post, but I thought that was too self-pitying, and I didn't really want to get dressed up for something that wasn't happening. So, instead, I decided to get prettied up in non businessy clothes. I'm actually wearing a few things that I received for Christmas. The sweater is from my grandma (who also gave me some very cute hairbows!) and the fur collar is from my mom. I also got a super cute ring from Dear Beatrice that I just love! Sometimes putting on a few new things can really lift my mood. I realize that sounds kind of materialistic, but it's true! There's just something about wearing something you've never styled before that's kind of...rejuvenating? Maybe.

Dress/Skirt: Swap with the lovely Amber Rose
Sweater: Gift
Collar: Asos/gift
Tights: Generic
Shoes: Steve Madden
Belt: Delia's
Ring: Dear Beatrice

Meadowlark, Fly Your Way Down

Hello! Today, Zak and I drove over to this HUGE park (bigger than central park!) a few minutes away from my house. I've been wanting to go and explore the park with him for a while. And boy, was it lovely. The park was somewhat empty, still coated in snow. There were so many trees for climbing on and stumps for standing on. I saw so many places that I want to take pictures in in the coming days! We even made our way over to the huge playground. I actually found this really cool spot with leaves growing all around it in the playground where I took these photos. And I, of course, had to take a turn on the swings! After the park we went for a yummy meal at the local diner - a perfect way to end a lovely afternoon! Now, though, I'm going to try and convince Zak to mock interview me to prepare for tomorrow! Eep, I'm so nervous!

Top: Forever 21
Skirt: Urban Outfitters
Tights: Hue
Moccasins: Minnetonka






Until tomorrow,
Nicole

So Everybody Put Your Best Suit or Dress On

Hello there! Since I wasn't doing anything much today, besides some cleaning, reading, and mario tennis-ing, I figured I would put on an outfit that I didn't get a chance to photograph last week. This dress is one of my favorite things I got for Christmas. It's covered in OWLS! I actually wore it on Christmas day but didn't manage to snap any photos of it then either. I've been feeling super lazy lately, and that's probably because I've been acting super lazy lately. I feel like every year before break I make big plans of a million things I want to do and then things one by one fall by the wayside. I've got a few things lined up for this week though, including my first ever interview for an internship! Goodness, I am so nervous. I figure, though, that it can't hurt to have experience interviewing, whether this goes wonderfully or not, right? Also, in a frenzy of wanting to do more fun things, I looked up local NYC flea markets, and found out about the Hell's Kitchen Flea market that happens every weekend, so I hope I can go to that! Anyone from the area ever been?

Dress: Modcloth
Cardigan: Zara
Tights: Hue
Necklace: Gift
Boots: Urban Outfitters





Until tomorrow,
Nicole